The Ultimate Nullifier

Ultimate Nullifier - All Time Hit Leaders

2011-09-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

The UN has made it to 52 (this is what that DC series was REALLY about) posts discounting this one. Some articles were instant classics while others failed to tickle the fancy of the masses. Here is a bit of math:

View Leaders

3. Least Crappy of the Stack - Deadpool #10 - Ack Ack Ack (212 views)

2. LOCKJAW IS BETTER THAN MA-MUTT. BUT JUST BARELY. - Ack Ack Ack(310 views)

1. Who IS Marvel's Smartest Person?!? - The Devil (858 views)

Comment Leaders

3. FAIL OF THE WEEK + WORST PANEL: New Avengers #50 - Ack Ack Ack (13 comments)

2. Who IS Marvel's Smartest Person?!? - The Devil (18 comments)

1. COACH SEZ HIT THE SHOWERS!: INCREDIBLE HERCULES #128 - Coach Curren (19 comments)

Overall Champ Post (so far)

Who IS Marvel's Smartest Person?!? - The Devil

What makes an article great? Some would say the content, but I'd say content that insights comments, as the comments are what keeps the fans coming back for more. As articles show up in their entirety on the main blog page, views are only generated by those that click on the article title or comments button to either view or post comments. - angry, angry comments :( (this means "sad" in machine language)

GOOD COMIC / BAD COMIC

2010-12-04T14:51:00.000-08:00

In response to an actual post, here's an actual post!

Wet my pants love titles:

Billy The Kid's Old Tyme Oddities - The first round was OK but took forever to come out, making it less than worth it. This time, the art is way dope (Elephant Man spread is raaaaaad), revolves around Jack the ripper and Powell is finally writing some fun stuff. The Goon back-ups are the best shit he's drawn in ages. Straight-up one off fun stuff, no over-arching story that drags. Just goofery and hobos.

Baltimore: The Plague Ships - A fast read, but the art by Stenbeck that is guided by Mignola is a real treat. I read the novel a few years back and thought it was so-so. This is pure fun though. Zombies, mushroom men, gribbly zombies, batlike-vampires, weird war elements - so much good in this. To bad the 1st arc is over and I have to wait awhiles.

Scalped - No comic should be this good for as long as it has been. Like Breaking Bad in comic form with an artist who nails it every time.

Likin':

Walking Dead: Shambles on in a fantastic manner. Still has shocking stuff after all these dang years. The TV show is a bit iffy, but the comic is still solid.

Mignola-verse - Hellboy, BPRD, Withcfinder etc. All this stuff is consistently entertaining and creepy. Late October was an awesome month thanks to a Corbin/Mignola one shot and Evan Dorkin's Beasts of Burden/Hellboy team up. BPRD has never let me down.

Fantastic Four - Still enjoying this title a bunch. Namor stabbing people in the chest and yelling Imperious Rex is almost always a win.

Batman Detective Comics - At least for a little whiles this should be good. Scott Snyder (American Vampire) is writting some dark and gory shit, with some fucked criminals, the way Gotham should be. Plus there's more Gordon. I'm a Gordon fan. Batman to me needs to be more like Gotham Central, ie creepy. Brubaker did wonders with that book.

Fear agent - It's ending soon, and I'm still dealing with that.

Fables - Yes Fables please more yes. Issue 100 is around the corner and conflict has to occur.

SHIELD: So weird! Galileo vs Galactus and other crazy stuff! Art is pretty nice as well.

Meh:

Marvel-titles - ASM, Mighty Avengers, Cap, I'm looking at you. The Spider-man creative team is switching up a bit and I miss the stable of dudes that did The Gauntlet already. Mighty avengers is crazy and I have mixed feelings on it all.

Jack Of Fables - I'm a Fables sucker. Jack was funny stuff early on and made for a Deadpool like book. The past year has been weird storywise, but the art has been worth it for the sci-fi locales and elements. I'm still curious as to where it's all going though.

Deadpool - I know, I'm part of the problem. But it's the only one I read. The rest can suck it hard. This book makes me laugh out loud each issue, so it wins me over. I can understand how he is reviled though.

Hatin':

Irredeemable - This one has gone on for too long. Fun concept about a superman gone apeshit, but it needs to end.

S'all for now. I'm liking all the stuff I'm picking up as of late, no real gripes. Mr. Canada, perhaps you should dump the majority of the Marvel junk and get back on the Hellboy train or step to Scalped.

Books I'm likin' and some I'm not

2010-11-30T14:07:00.000-08:00

Whaaaat! An Ultimate Nullifier post!

Yes, true believers, you're not dreaming or in some mad parallel universe, you can't keep a good blog down.

Having said that, I'm kinda disappointed with most of what I've been picking up lately. So, without further ado, some highs and lows.

Hit Titles

Scarlett - Only 2 issues in, I'm really liking this book by Bendis and the dude who drew Alias(Jessica Jones Alias, not Sydney Bristow) The main character, who is not from GIJoe, is a badass chick who has a hate on for crooked cops. Great art, and she talks to the reader!

Avengers Academy - This is a well written and drawn title featuring a group of young powered indiviuals who were (mostly) tortured by Norman Osborn during his reign of terror. The team has been assembled because they are the most likely candidates to go bad - which they find out in issue 1.

Kick Ass 2 - Romita's style works here and it looks like this will be as awesome as the last series. Not sure if this has been optioned for movie yet...

Secret Avengers - This is Steve Rodger's title and I like it. I'm not a huge Deadoato(sp) fan, but I like the story and the cast.

X-Men - Mutants vs. Vampires - not too bad. Good art, stroy is not too bad.

Miss Titles

Mighty Avengers - I think Romita needs to stop now. He's a young guy, so his ridiculous drop in art quality can only be attributed to greed/laziness/blow. I use to really like his style, but now it hurts my eyes. He's been on the down for quite a while now, but this is low.

Thor - boring / don't like the art

Cap - hate the back-up story and the Cap art is not the greatest. Make the Cap story longer!

That's all for now, how about you?

HE'S BAAAACK!

2010-04-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to say, to all the haters of the KING of the Seven Seas, HE'S BACK!

It appears that there's no more tentacle beard. No more crappy magic water hand. No more gladiator movie armor. No more King Arthur, Lady of the Lake sorcery silliness. Just plain old fish-controlling, Silver Age style, clean cut Aquaman. It's about time. The whole harpoon hand experiment had some high points. However, I'm glad he's back in the original orange and green duds where I personally think he belongs. Thank you Geoff Johns.

GO VOTE FOR NON-SUCK CHARACTERS. YOU CAN'T LET AQUAMAN WIN ANYTHING!

2010-03-01T12:09:00.000-08:00

Oh, and The Goon and Rick Grimes too. Vote for them.

Best comic shop in Maryland (Cosmic Comix) is doing a nerdy March Madness type thing with comic characters. Dorky fun. And all online. Just click away. This week it's the DC and Newbie bracket. Easy. You might learn something too as each character has a rad write up. (Aquaman stands no chance)

GO NOW, VOTE.

POWER OF A MILLION BORED READERS

2010-02-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

This issue was solicited as:

"SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER TIE-IN!! The secrets of the Sentry are revealed but is it too late? Is this a hero reborn or a eulogy? The most pivotal moment in this controversial character's life yet is here, and how it affects the siege on Asgard will leave you breathless."

What we got in terms of the sizzlin' shockin' Sentry was:

Ooooooooooo dark and spooky sky! Oh noes black eyes!1!!1 Wooooooaaaaah same dull Sentry shit as ever!

What a lame rip-off. "Breathless"? No way. More like 4 bucks-less.

MARTIN/PULITO/AZACETA ON SPIDERMAN. FOREVER.

2010-02-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

The past 2 months/8 issues of Spider-man have been wonderful comic bookery. Marcos Martin, Javier Pulido, and Paul Azaceta are the perfect Spider-man artists. Just enough retro style, yet completely modern. No muscley musculature nonsense, just fab art and vibrant colors. More please. Rotate them. Pay them well. Whatever it takes.

BLOG CHALLENGE: WHO IS RULK?

2010-02-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

As you can see from my recent Top 10 of 2009 post, I've been reading Hulk for a while now. One of the burning questions in the series is "Who is Rulk?" aka Red Hulk. There have been plenty of red herrings thrown out there including Doc Samson, Rick Jones, Bruce Banner, and Betty Ross. The current likely candidate is Colonel Glenn Talbot:

At this point I really don't care who it is. It's bound to be someone I've never heard of and Talbot is just too easy, so I've taken to thinking who would be the most ridiculous candidate. Here's my current choice:

This is Devil Dinosaur. A favorite of mine when I was a boy from the awesomely madcap mind of Jack "The King" Kirby. Obviously they are both red and Devil is prone to transdimensional exploits so he's a prime suspect. Now here's the challenge: Tell me who Rulk is. You have to show your work with some sort of reasoning - the more ridiculous the better, the candidate doesn't even need to be a Marvel character, and the most entertaining to me will be declared winner for all the interwebs to see on this very blog. Get your thinkin' caps on and post your answer in the comments!

COACH'S TOP 10 OF 2009!

2010-02-02T18:46:00.002-08:00

Yeah, this is late. I've been sitting on it for over a month but since a certain floating fat man who shall remain unnamed threw down the gauntlet on his own read worthy blog (although I'm not sure how he did it with his tiny T-Rex type arms and enormous abdomen blocking the way to his keyboard), here are my picks for the top 10 books of 2009. Most of these will be sadly predictable but tough, I'm writing this and you're not. If you don't like them, add your own top 10 in the comments. All covers are from whatever issues I can find because that's what I want. In reverse order:

10. Hellboy: The Wild Hunt

I like Hellboy, I like giant pig monsters, I like Celtic legends, and I like characters that shout "Boom!" when they knock the snot out of something with their giant stone whammer hand.

9. The Destroyer

Robert Kirkman is a great writer and the artwork by Cory Walker was more than sufficient. This was an ultra-violent retrofit of a Timely Comics character from the Golden Age. There's some great black comedy here as The Destroyer works out new and creative ways to destroy (go figure) villains in each issue. Get the trade and read the whole thing at once.

8. Witchfinder: In the Service of the Angels

Another choice from the Dark Horse imprint. This tale of Victorian supernatural investigator Edward Grey started out slow but by the end I was eagerly looking forward to each issue. More monsters and protoplasmic fun for all.

7. Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds

Ah, George Perez. This was one of the last if not the last Final Crisis story to be finished up from DC but boy was it ever worth it. I believe Perez draws the best 2 page spreads in the business. Some of the battle scenes in this series as well as the creative panel-to-panel continuity continues to show that even though Perez is getting older and a little slower, he's still getting better. I missed this one in the local comic shop's hardcover blowout but I'll pay full price for it simply to read it all in one volume. Great story to introduce someone to the DC universe as Perez packs hundreds of characters in there. The image is shown slightly hugified because this is just a one-sheet ad for the series and so you can see it. It all looks like this and better. Insane!

6. Grimjack: The Manx Cat

We're going back to the 80's on this one. Tim Truman's dimension hopping, semi-immortal, reincarnated anti-hero has long been a favorite of mine since First Comics (long gone by now) started producing the series and it's great to see that Truman still has a place in heart for the scarred old fella. The story combines a touch of Moorcock, swords, science fiction, and a guy named Saint John of the Knives. Are those that know me well at all surprised?

Wolverine: Old Man Logan

I've ranted about how good this story was in previous posts but the double-sized conclusion really made this one worth the long wait in between the final two issues. Mix Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven, an apocalyptically shattered Marvel Universe, an infestation of gamma-irradiated inbred rednecks, and a reluctant human/mustelid/Canadian hybrid with Steve Mcniven and Mark Millar having a ball and you've got a real winner. Some of Mcniven's best work to date and the fate of the Red Skull really made my day.

4. Hulk

This one snuck up on me. When Jeph Loeb started on this one I got the feeling that he was kind of flailing in the dark trying to find his footing on the writing. Was it a serious restructuring of the Hulkiverse following World War Hulk (aka Conclusion of the Energy Splashes from hell) or was it a comedy book where Rulk (aka Red Hulk) punches out Uatu the Watcher and gets away with it (ridiculous). However, this book has grown on me throughout the year and every time I tried to drop it, Loeb would improve something that hooked me back in. I have to say that its become one of my looked forward to reads if only for the fact that I might see some more clone M.O.D.O.K.s getting their giant brains harvested while Rick Jones tries not to barf.

Astro City: The Dark Age

This book is far too overlooked by most people which is just fine by me. It makes me feel "leet." For my money the most original and consistently well-written non-Marvel/DC super hero book around. It has its own self-contained, separate universe and it is obviously a labor of love for Kurt Busiek, Brent E. Anderson, and Alex Ross(!). All of the character designs are by Ross and they have a way of just dropping new characters into the story so cleanly that it's a wonder that other companies with lots more people and street cred can't do it as well. I pick up the separate issues as they come out and the trades/hardcovers when they are produced as well as the one or two-issue specials they do in-between the major story arcs. You never know what era you might be seeing next in Astro City, but no matter where it is, you're sure to be get your four bucks worth of fun (and a real letters page too).

2. Green Lantern Corps/Blackest Night/Green Lantern

Surprise! It wasn't number one. For all the ranting about this series I've been doing over the last year or so, I'm sure you all thought that this would be my top pick and if it wasn't for one thing they did in the marketing and it being a super-giant crossover maxi-series (I've really had just about enough of 'em) you would be right. For my money this is the best book and the best big crossover DC has ever done since Crisis on Infinite Earths. All of the stories in the little books tie into the main books and you have the option of just reading Blackest Night, Blackest Night and the two Green Lantern titles, or the whole spectrum (Hah! A light joke. Ha-Ha! Another!) of one shots and mini series and you can still follow what's going on. The thing that knocked this down for me was that DC made the fatal error of revealing the big baddie for the series on the cover of a Diamond Comics Previews which I didn't read but which was sitting on a shelf at my local shop in plain view. A real misstep after keeping the secret under wraps for so long only to reveal it 2 months early (and no I won't spoil it even now). Even so, this book/series is tops and I really can't wait to see how it is all resolved with Geoff Johns at the helm.

And so we're here, my number one pick of 2009. I have to say that this is totally based on my month to month satisfaction with the entertainment my comics dollar is providing. This book has truly kept me looking forward to the next issue for the last twelve months and has taken what could have been a poorly handled gimmick book and has turned it into a monthly must-read. So, my top book for 2009 is:

1. Dark Avengers

At first the concept was ripe with potential for lame. Take a bunch of villains and messed up heroes in the aftermath of Marvel's Civil War/Secret Invasion and have them replace the Avengers who were on the lam from now top lawman Norman (Green Goblin for life) Osborn. However, veteran draftsman Mike Deodato and wunderkind scribe Brian Michael Bendis have managed to return the old school Marvel month to month excitement I felt as a kid in this book in a way I haven't seen in a long time. With tons of guest stars, straight up good times action and ridiculous, world-shattering threats, they continue to keep my running to the comic shop each month to see what happens next. I hear this book is ending soon and perhaps that's a good thing for it to go away at the top of its game in Bill Wattersonesque fashion. Get it, read it, and see what makes Marvel Comics great again.

That's it! My tops for the year 2009. Agree or disagree in the comments and write your own list if you don't like mine. There you go Fatty, how's that for a post? Continue to entertain me with your godless scientific ramblings and write something about comics yourself some time. And Ack x3, I probably would have sat on this until 2011, but the insult of Lord Chunkula telling me to get to work was too much to bear.

I AM A MASTER OF THE NERDIVERSE!

2009-12-16T17:00:00.001-08:00

Eat it Thanos! The picture pretty much speaks for itself:

On the comic geek richter scale this is right up there with the eruption of Krakatoa. Read Green Lantern. It's cool and you get free power rings. That is all.

IN BLACKEST NIGHT - PART 1

2009-08-31T19:27:00.001-07:00

Fittingly, as I'm bringing my blog posting back from the dead, I'll be talking about the DC Comics event that I've been raving about for most of the last year or so - Blackest Night. Rather than bore you with lots of wordiness I figure I'll let the pictures tell the tale as I give you some of my favorite moments from what is happening in Month 2 of this awesome comics crossover!

We'll start off with the linchpin book Blackest Night #2:

It's no secret that I think Aquaman is awesome. I've taken shit for it from all you fellow comics-reading geeks for years. However, I think even you can admit that making Aquaman a super-strong messed up zombie King of the Seven Seas was the key to making him even more awesome. No more faux metal hair, no more harpoon hand (was kinda dope how he got it though), no more Arthurian legend and magic water under the water stupidity, just gravebait Silver Age Aquaman on an undead giant seahorse!

Continuing on, something kinda nerdy but utterly cool also happened in this issue as we discover that the Black Lantern Rings cannot force Don Hall aka Dove of Hawk & Dove to "RISE!" because he is "at peace". Interesting, totally in character, and I think significant for future events. Keep an eye on this.

Jumping back to Zombie Aquaman, one of his main powers has always been to control sea life with his telepathic calls. So it's totally diesel that his undead summoning ability is to call forth all the dead and rotting sea life from the ocean floor to pimpslap his enemies (aka the heroes). Dope. Maybe a zombie Megaladon is in the works?

Changing books to Green Lantern #45, it seems that the only Orange Lantern Larfleeze is about to get dealt with by his own orange greed energy constructs as the corpses he collects to make them each get a Black Lantern ring and prepare to give him a Reservoir Dogs-style beatdown. Hope you've got a medical kit in that lantern muppet boy.

Over in Green Lantern Corps #39, the Lanterns on Oa have their hands full as a swarm of BL rings dive down into the crypt of Fallen Lanterns and bring back all of the dead goodies to rip hearts and seek flesh for the Black Lantern. They even brought back the little fly Green Lantern (I think his name is Bzzt - how adorable) to get unliving vengeance in the name of swatted insects everywhere. Crucial.

Blackest Night Batman #1, gives us the return of Dick Grayson's (the original Robin and now Batman) circus aerialist parents - The Flying Graysons. It works but it's definitely one of those "He's Batman, this is not gonna make him crap his pants." moments. Interesting and a good read/buy but lame reveal in my opinion. The mystery as to whether the real Batman is dead or not continues.

It's a well known fact that nothing happens in the DC universe that does not involve Superman in some way, so Blackest Night Superman #1 gives us some insight as to how the Man of Steel is handling all of this. He, Superboy, and Krypto get slapped around for most of the issue but the neatest thing is that since the Black Lanterns "see" where you fall on the emotional spectrum, it's unsurprising that Superman seems to encompass all emotions except for Greed and Compassion. Always have to be head of the class don't you Clarkie?

Finishing up, Blackest Night Titans #1 was a pleasant surprise. Not only was it drawn very well (like all the Blackest Night books so far) but it picked up on the Hawk and Dove storyline I mentioned earlier. Since the Black Lanterns couldn't get to Dove (which honestly would have been more terrifying since he was gentle in life), of course they brought back his war-like brother Hawk. Death has not made him any more pleasant as he tended toward ultra right-wing assholery most of the time.

All in all the Blackest Night series has more than fulfilled my expectations so far and DC really seems to be putting some good effort into making this an easy to read and fun story. If you like zombies, seeing DC heroes getting the crap kicked out of them by former good guys (with lots of unexpected heart rips), and really nice art, get it now or in the trades when it is inevitably available in 5 different versions. FLESH!

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #600

2009-07-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a whiles since anything happened here. I've been busy and running around with not much time/gumption to write about comics. Reading them, sure. But writing about them hasn't been top priority. But I hear rumblings from the bullpen of slackers at TUN that some sweet posts are set to appear in the very near future. I look forward to seeing that a reality. I break the silence now!

This past week was an easy-peasy BoTS because Spiderman #600 ruled faces. The thing was a brick of a book containing easily a month's worth of story plus a pile of back 'em up shorts. And, Doc Ock finally made his post OMD appearance. The guy has been sneaking around off panel for a while now, but no more. He's a bit banged up and ready to die, but that just means he's now an irradiated creepy crawly mummy machine with mechanical tentacles. Snap. Oh and he has an army of mechanical spiders that end up taking over NYC. Classic, action packed, fun comic.

Romita Jr. on art, a Ross cover, a Romita Sr. cover, an FF appearance. Hell, this thing was dope. Plus there was a Stan Lee/ Marcos Martin short in there. Gah. This coming week has a lot to live up to...

COACH'S 10 MINUTE WORKOUT - FLASH REBIRTH #3

2009-06-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

Time is short of late so Coach Cohen is back with a quick set of wind sprints this time out. I've been reading a lot of DC Comics lately because their books are shit-hot like lightning. They've got a good stable of writers and artists (like Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver in this case) which let them give the usual front runner Marvel Comics a reason to pant towards the finish line. Therefore, I'm pleased to be able to say that Flash Rebirth is shaping up to be a fun series to read and that Flash Rebirth 3 has been the best so far.

Flash Rebirth reintroduces the character who was perhaps the most holy of holy grail unreturnable from the dead characters in comicbookdom - Barry Allen aka The Flash. Barry Allen basically brought the Silver Age of comics kicking and screaming out of the darkness that was the 50's and paved the way for the classic costumed heroes of the 60's, 70's and beyond. He was killed saving the universe from the Anti-Monitor in Crisis on Infinite Earths and his sacrifice was so noble and unexpected that it seemed there was no way he would return. Besides, his protege Wally West (previously Kid Flash) took up the mantle for Barry with such aplomb that there was no reason for a comeback. Until now.

See, Grant Morrison's insane Final Crisis crossover series really shook up reality inside and outside of the DC universe. So it seems the time is ripe for big daddy Barry to run back into the limelight. So what makes this issue so good? Well first off, it settles the old chestnut - Who is faster, Superman or the Flash? When Superman tries to stop Barry from sacrificing himself again, and intimates that he's beaten The Flash in a couple races before then, Barry bitchslaps him with logical tricknology by telling him "Clark, those were for charity." before leaving him with a mouthful of Flash-flavored dust.

Second, is this guy - The Black Racer:

Created by the Titan-Who-Walked-Among-Men Jack Kirby for his New Gods series, the Black Racer was the personification of Death and was a New God who even Darkseid respected since, eventually, even he would fall before him.

Well, during Final Crisis, Barry/Flash outraced a Grant Morrison fever-dream version of the Black Racer, and now, it seems he's become this:

The Black Flash - death to all the Speedsters in the DC universe as he consumes their "Speed Force" and turns them into burnt out crispy critters. Is this related to the Black Racer at all? Who knows? Grant Morrison is crazy as a bag of monkey nuts and his stories rarely make sense (and I like Final Crisis and his writing), but it's badass all the same. All in all, a good read and a fun ride. Or is that run?

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #595

2009-06-02T08:09:00.001-07:00

Despite laughing several times out loud while reading the bonus Fable book, The Literals, Spiderman #595 takes my pick for best read. This issue was jammed with stuff, mostly involving the broken-ass Osborn family.

Harry is trying a new attitude and outlook on life. Carefree and fun, he finally sticks it to his deranged pops. But, as always, anyone flying high and feelin' good in a Spidey book has to eat some shit. So, Menace/Lily/Harry's Ex-Girlfirend shows up in Menace form, reverts to good the lookin' Lily form and reveals that she is way preggers. Harry caves, renegs on his "Fuck you Dad!" speech, and takes up the offer to work for the Dark Avengers and presumably become the next Captain America type dude on Osborn's Avengers/Thunderbolts in disguise. (Despite the fact that the embryo is bound to be banged up from all the Green Goblin chemicals and stuff)

Where's Spiderman you ask? He shows up at the end and beats the sweet bejesus out of Norman Osborn. I'm not sure how Norman lives after being hurled through concrete, a window, and taking a few blows from a dude who can practically lift cars over his head - but it looked good on the page. Eveyone's been wanting to see Norman eat some fist for a while now. It's like that one Thor issue where he belts Iron Man a few miles with Mjolnir. Anyways, it looked like Spiderman just might actually kill the bastard, thanks to a pep talk from Wolverine (because he is in every damn book made nowadays), but...ya know he pusses out. Still, fun stuff, and this is only part 1 of 5 I believe.

COACH'S STAR PLAYER PICK - WOLVERINE #72

2009-06-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

Now I've been having mixed feelings with Marvel Comics of late with their recent money-grabbing price rise on their most popular books and sporadic fill-in style quality on some others. However, the Wolverine: Old Man Logan storyline by the Hulk-level heavyweight team of Steve Mcniven, Mark Millar, Dexter Vines, and Morry Hollowell has gotten better and better with each successive issue.

Mcniven's art just keeps getting more polished. He rose to people's attention with his standout work on Marvel Knights and hit it out of the park with the main Civil War book. Old Man Logan is probably his best work to date. The storyline loosely follows the plot of one of my favorite balls-out, hard-ass Clint Eastwood westerns, Unforgiven. Set in an alternate future after the villains have all but wiped out super-powered heroes Logan aka Wolverine has given up his seemingly inexhaustible potential for violence in return for eking out a subsistence farm living with his wife and two kids in a burnt out cinder of California desert. All the while he is harassed by Bruce Banner's inbred, Hulked-out relatives who demand the "rent" and threaten to tear down Logan's life before his eyes. What follows is a cross-country quest for cash romp which features (in no particular order) the Spidermobile, Hank Pym's skeleton (now an expressway), a Venom-infected Tyrannosaurus Rex, Black Bolt, Moloids, and much more!!!

This issue starts out with President Red Skull standing over and gouging the eyes out Blade Runner-style of a banged up and weeping Captain America (presumably Bucky by the uniform, flesh left arm, and brown eyes but who knows at this point). That Nazi fuck thinks he's got all the cards until he eventually decides to gloat over a shot-up Logan and poor old dead, blind Hawkeye's corpses in his "trophy room" (Reed Richards is skinned and stretched on one of the walls like a flag - dope!).

Of course Logan's inevitable healing factor kicks in and Red Skull tries to give our favorite Canadian scrapper a final beat down with Black Knight's magical sword. Unfortunately for him, he gets his fascist ass handed to him in truly fine fashion with no less than Captain America's indestructible shield to the trachea. USA! USA!

The issue ends with Logan flying all the way back across the country in Iron Man's old armor and showing up to pay the Hulk gang two weeks early only to be told "They got bored." I'll let you decide what's going to happen next from the picture below:

Win! Win! Win! A great story, with tons of cool little nods to the fan boys, connection to Wolverine's origin in Hulk #181, and all ending up in a previously unannounced Double-Sized special which will probably cost $8.00 by the time it's done. I don't care. I'm there. Go get-em you hairy old Canuck bastard!

COACH'S WEEKLY WIN - CAPTAIN AMERICA #50

2009-05-28T17:19:00.001-07:00

That's right, after a brief hiatus and a variety of trips Coach Cohen has returned to shout his comic book opinions at the internet with the veins bulging in his forehead and his whistle/keys jangling around his neck! This week, I'm choosing a character who is near and dear to my heart and whose book has been a standout performer in the Marvel stable for a number of years now, Captain America #50.

Scribed by Ed Brubaker and drawn by the excellent Steve Epting and a rotating stable of fill-in artists (Luke Ross and Rick Magyar take on the penciling and inking duties for the main story in this double-sized issue), the uniform of Cap is currently filled by his old partner from Dubya Dubya Deuce, James Buchanan Barnes aka Bucky aka The Winter Soldier. You see (Spoiler Warning - if you've been absent from comics for the last two years and live in a news free box) Steve Rogers got himself capped (pun intended) 25 issues ago right after the Marvel Civil War and Bucky was given the uniform and indestructible adamantium-vibranium alloy shield by then head honcho of S.H.I.E.L.D. Iron Man. Bucky has since struggled with carrying the mantle of his former partner and best friend and this issue does a good job portraying a very special day in the life of the current Captain America.

Now, when I first heard that they were bringing Bucky back for this story, I was totally against it. Bucky was one of those Holy Grail characters who was cool because Marvel refused to bring him back from the dead. However, I have to say Ed Brubaker has knocked this book out of the friggin' park and it is consistently one of the best if not the very best read that Marvel currently has to offer in their collection of classic Golden/Silver Age characters. It is consistently full of win on a monthly basis.

Also, Bucky is a badass. He has a Soviet bionic left arm, carries a pistol and commando dagger (both of which he uses - BLAMM! flying bizatch), and unlike Steve Rogers, who was enhanced from a weakling to the peak of human performance by the Super Soldier Serum, Bucky is a born fighter and scrapper who spent his entire childhood on military bases. This issue reveals that he was sent off to train with the British Special Operations Group at age 16 after a birthday bar fight with two Navy boys and an MP. Crucial.

Finally, this issue has an excellent 50th issue anniversary backup by Marcos Martin who has a very Tim Sale style to his pencils (probably not a coincidence since Sale's Captain America: White series is coming up) and a cool Fred Hembeck comedy piece to finish things off. As I said, full of win.

So if you're looking for a good read with great characters, quality artwork, and really standout writing, take Coach's advice and pick up Captain America #50. Now hit the showers!!!

BEST OF THE STACK - BPRD THE BLACK GODDESS #5

2009-05-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm a little behind from last week, and have yet to nab this week's pile. Lot's going on. But not as much as the events within BPRD The Black Goddess #5. There's been massive conflict going down in the past 2 issues what with flame dragons, nasty frog legions, and the creepy underground critters and their martian walker-like machines all going at each other at once.

After lots of talking to Gilfryd by the BPRD team about how Liz and himself are the only way to save humanity and blah blah blah, our man of action Johann finally shows up after shankin' some dude, then busts in to the inner chambers where Liz is being held, and starts blastin' ol' Gilfryd. Of course this doesn't work very well, seeing as Abe tried that nonsense a few moments earlier. But Johann has of late been a bit impulsive and loosey-goosey. And maybe now we know why.

Johann at least tried to do something. The rest of them were trying he old talk 'em to death route. Anyways, he was rewarded with a Jedi-like force pummeling, that cracked his bubble suit. Which is trouble for our ecoplasmic buddy. But a panel or so later, it appears that he finds a way to keep on truckin' - in the shoes of Lobster Johnson. Though the name is ridicuous, Lobster Johnson is awesome. But only Hellboy knows about him for the most part. (Abe did some research, but that's about it. I think.) So, I couldn't be happier and more eager to see where this final arc goes. However there's lots of filler issues coming up and I think the next arc doesn't begin for awhiles. Oh well.

LEAST CRAPPY OF THE STACK - DEADPOOL #10

2009-05-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

Deadpool is an idiot.

He fills a void left by the folks I used to work with day in and day out. I now get my dose of stupid from this book. Though I doubt I'll stay on long after any Dark Reign tie-in action is over. It's the only reason I picked it up in the 1st place to be truthful. His adventures with the Thunderbolts recently have been amusing to be sure. It also outlines what a sorry bunch of sad sacks they are now.

So, after making the Thunderbolts look stupid, Norman Osborn sends in Bullseye to kill what basically can't be killed. I mean they loped off Deadpool's friggin' head in the last issue.

Anywho, Bullseye is dressed as Hawkeye becasue of the whole Dark Avengers thing and hilarity ensues in 20 something pages. Besmirch is put to good use (as you can see from these shoddy pictured panels), Deadpool shoots a pizza delivery dude in the face or being a douche bag in High School, and the action sequences are well paneled and written for maximum funny/ridiculousness.

In the end Deadpool gets an arrow through his head due to his brash nature. Yeah, that'll stop the retard from talking for about 4 minutes at best.

This week was kinda slow for me as most tiles were sorta ho-hum. As such, I deem this the Least Crappy Of The Stack. Something Deadpool would probably endorse.

WHY DO I KEEP BUYING THIS JUNK? - MARVEL ZOMBIES 4

2009-05-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

It took awhile, but I've finally looked at the whole Marvel Zombies thing and asked "Why?". The 1st series was neato bandito. Of course that was the one title my comic dude DIDN'T put in my sub box ( I generally picked up anything zombie or horror previously and was onboard Walking Dead from day one) and Marvel Zombies #1 remains the only damn issue I need the 1st printing of. But, I don't want to shell out 30 bucks for that privilege.

The second series was off the wall weird, but at least it was still funny. Zombies with the Power Cosmic is funny damn it. 3rd time around, yeah, getting assy. Didn't really care about machine man or whoever the fuck dude was. Jocasta neither.

Now, we're up to Marvel Zombies 4. Lame ass Son of Satan is in the hizzouse! Gah. There was some promise as they introduced zombie fishmen, but now they all blew up and now Morbius has an oxygen gun that explodes things infected with the virus and Z-list goons abound. Ugh. Did I mention Son of Satan? Oh, and since the Hood isn't in enough titles (I still like the guy) just yet, he shows up. Deadpool's here too. Or at least just his head. Jeeze. And where the hell is Man-Thing? I want Man-Thing damn it.

Though Deadpool marks the only moments I've enjoyed thus far. As you can see in the panel above, he is kept in a cage until 2 geniuses decide to set him free. I think the one guy is a dead damn ringer for Dale from The Walking Dead. If not, his hat, face, and baggy eyes are too close for comfort. Coincidence? Who cares. I'm getting off this train while the gettin's good.

SADNESS ABOUND! GIGANTO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-05-12T16:40:00.000-07:00

This here panel from Avengers Invaders #10 is both funny and sad. Red Skull has taken out most of the undersea world as well as the surface world. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not Giganto! Who will becon to Sub Mariners sea-trumpet-magic-horn-blasts now? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I can name just about any giant monster or rubber suited man from Toho or Tsuburaya Productions, but the rest of these floaters outside of Mole Man's big green buddy there are a mystery to me. Name them and win my admiration! I've already dubbed the red one "Pinchy".

BEST OF THE STACK - CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATRE OF WAR

2009-05-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

These "Theatre of War" one shots with Cap have been hit or miss. They're all set in WWII, so it's generally Nazi blastin' good times. The big miss was the last one which was helmed by Chaykin. Ugh. Piss poor. Left that one on the rack. Which sucked, because the 1st one was dope. That sucker had Cap going after a Nazi UFO operation. Well drawn and cool as hell. So I was glad to see the next one continuing the tradition of good.

This has Cap and some GIs going in behind enemy lines to stop a dam from being blown. Things go wrong and they have to hole up in a pillbox and fight off German attacks. In the process a German soldier is taken prisoner. The dude is roundly hated, but Cap points out that the dude is Heer, not SS. The prisoner offers to help as a medic during the firefights as they are shorthanded and eventually the GIs respect him.

Yada yada yada, it all ends badly, but it's a fun ride and it's nice to see the German army given a human face. Though douche bag SS show up eventually and jerkitude ensues. Anywho, nicely drawn (scans later maybe), full of action, and containing some philosophical bits to chew on when it comes to war and and the illusion of "sides".

One bad poitn was the part where they have a mini tank battle with a pair of panzer IVs...from like 5 feet away. Kinda budge. But, hey at least there were panzers - and no Chaykin!

PANEL OF THE WEEK - AVENGERS INVADERS #10

2009-05-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

This book has some slow burn to it. But htings have ramped up nicely the past few issues. This issue has all sorts of cool junk in it. Nazi super dogs, people jump on grenades, and the final page was worth it all. Red Skull and his new buddy The Cosmic Cube have racked up a sweet body count of Golden Age heroes. Nice.

FABLES PANELS OF JOY

2009-05-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Simple dimple. Here's a fun panel set where the Literal Kevin Thorn (who can pretty much make anything happen by writing it down) causes some havoc in the park. The falming kid on the tire swing brought me great mirth. Because the flaming skull child turns to look at you.

LOCKJAW IS BETTER THAN MA-MUTT. BUT JUST BARELY.

2009-05-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

COACH SEZ HIT THE SHOWERS!: INCREDIBLE HERCULES #128

2009-04-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

It takes a bit for a comic to offend me sufficiently that I'm willing to comment on the artistic skill of the creators. However, sometimes you can only go so far before someone has to call bullshit. These panels in Incredible Hercules #128 fulfill that requirement.

Now it's not the fact that it is Wolverine's crapass son Daken that is the problem here. For those that don't know Daken is Wolverine's long lost and recently discovered son. His powers have been vaguely defined in that apparently by means of exuded pheromones he can be where you are not looking. Other than that he's got the typical Wolverine family healing factor, pretty nasty fighting skills, and of course claws. However, one of his claws comes out from the BOTTOM of his wrist rather than the top. And they're black and naturally sort-of metallic (what?). WOOOOO!

Now, all that aside, the problem here is even though he is stabbing the Greek God of the Netherworld Pluto (6' 5"/520 lbs.) through the chest with only two of his badass Lee Press-Ons, ignoring the fact that they've been miscolored white, is that the friggin' things are about 2.5 to 3 feet long. And where's that third "underclaw" living in that arm? I'll tell you where, in his ass.

The sheer physics of the things are totally impossible. Who has a three-foot forearm to fit those things in? The Hulk maybe. Not Daken. He's actually kinda shrimpy even by Wolverine standards being all skinny and Euro-trash with his tribals and long-ass mowhawk and bad daddy-issues attitude. Absolute and utter fail Marvel Comics and artist Dietrich Smith. D+. Try harder.

BEST OF THE STACK - JACK OF FABLES #33

2009-04-29T09:31:00.001-07:00

OK, so I'm a broken record. Bite me. While holed up at a diner, Jack ponders what to do next while waiting for someone from Fabletown to meet up with him on the whole Literals issue. Snow and Bigby show up and it doesn't take long before Jack pisses Mr. Wolf off. Bigby totally hands Jack his ass in this issue. Gotta love that. Afterwards, the Pathetic Fallacy becomes enamored with Bigby! Oh the betrayl! Jack's pissed and maybe even hurt by this!

Then, there's a bit on Jack's kid (unbeknownst to him I believe) from back when he banged the Snow Queen where the boy puts two and two together to become Jack Frost. He's sure to mess something up big time. Fun to ensue. I love this crossover event. Cant wait for more.

Marvel's offerings were good this week as well. Mighty Avengers #24 was a blast. They're actually doing stuff like fight giant monsters, not just sit around eating Chinese food poorly drawn by Mr. Tan. Amazing Spiderman #592 continues to be fun and interesting, can't complain. Incredible Hercules #128 is so ridiculous it's good. A very good week - and I haven't even read Marvels: Eye of the Camera #5 yet. Looks beautiful though. As always. Jay Anacleto's pencils are outta hand.

FAIL OF THE WEEK THOR - #601

2009-04-29T09:28:00.001-07:00

I believe the alternate cover to #601 shown here sums it all up:

Even Thor is fucking bored.

This book has been a wee bit disappointing as of late. He's barely in the book. Thor rarely smashes anything either. Basically just sits around a campfire being bummed about the dying Sif while Loki tries to get Asgard moved to Latveria. They should call the book Loki and the Hobo Kingdom and be done with it. Also, why is this $3.99 while most of the rest of my comparably sized Marvel books still $2.99? That's some bullshit. Thor, pick it up or get bent, I'm snorin' here.

PANEL EYE GAME OF THE WEEK

2009-04-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

This one was sorta subtle, but it totally took away from the moment once my backwards brain zeroed in on it. Do ya see it? It's on the 3 panel wide strip that's been in the making for awhiles now - where Sharon Carter finally breaks through Dr. Faustus' brain conditioning and realizes that she was pregnant with Cap's baby and lost said baby during a knife fight with Sin wherein the evil spawn of the Red Skull knifed the fucking baby in Sharon's gut - yeah, that shocking, emotional scene.

I just couldn't take my eyes off that one ice cube that manages to slip the bounds of physics one moment and then go back into the realm of reality the next. I know how it's supposed to be, since the shot is low to the ground looking up to the bottom up to her face and the glass is transparent. I get it. But still the stupid optical zig-zag messes with me. Perhaps it's part of the cosmic cube and it's choosing to be seen as it wishes, how it wishes, when it wishes.

COACH'S ENFORCER OF THE WEEK(S) - GREEN LANTERN #39

2009-04-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

I'm back and breaking all the rules. Yeah, this book came out two weeks before this post but it's so good that it breaks the boundaries of space and time and makes itself known this week - Green Lantern #39. If you've been following my ravings lately you'll know that I've really gotten into the whole build up to Blackest Night thing that's been going on in the DC universe over the last four months or so.

This issue keeps up the pace with the introduction of the kinda creepy Orange Lanterns. It seems that these guys are so badass that the Guardians of the Universe (douchey blue fascist midgets with incalculable power who created the Green Lantern Corps, Manhunters, and other problems) cut some kind of deal with these freaks to stay in their own little sector of space and not come out billions of years ago. Unfortunately some other semi-immortal pink alien d-bags known as the Controllers seems to have broken the deal and have caused the Orange Lanterns to raise their greedy heads from the depths of the Vega System.

If that doesn't sound so bad, unfortunately it means having to deal with guys like this:

The Orange Lanterns seem to personify the emotion of greed. Greed for what hasn't been revealed yet, but if it's making the architect of the whole Blackest Night thing happy (a seemingly corrupted Guardian named Scar), then it can't be good for the universe as a whole. Artwork is very, very cool by the detailed-oriented Philip Tan. Tan seems to have taken over for the time being from the insanely good (but apparently slow) Ethan Van Sciver while he goes off to play with the new Flash: Rebirth mag.

However, there is no loss of quality for his departure to be sure and their styles are similar enough that the change is not disruptive. As I've said before, if you're reading one DC book, read two and get Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps. Besides, when this blue biznatch starts raising dead DC superhero zombies, you won't want to miss it.

BEST OF THE STACK (1) - FABLES #83

2009-04-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

It's a toss up this week. I couldn't decide, so I'll slap both of my faves up this week. The Fables Crossover has begun and it looks to be a big deal that'll actually have a lasting impact on the books involved. The animal Fables are up to no good in general at The Farm (killing and burying Geppetto for one) and there looks to be another rebellion brewing in the form of a new religion based on the deceased Boy Blue. It's all bad news, now that everyone is shacked up tight on The Farm since Fabletown was destroyed. And to top it all off, Jack is trying to help out by alerting the Fables about The Literals. Nothing Jack gets involved in works out well. Ever.

The phone conversation with Jack had me laugh out loud a few times. He's such a jackass. I can't wait to see him back and interacting with all the Fables again. His book is generally a riot to read and the ridiculous situations he gets in can only be that much more funny if folks like Bigby get involved. With Jack's newfound retinue of lost Fables/Literals and the weirdness that's brewing in the "Who's my Daddy?" realm, hilarious times lay ahead. At least in terms of Jack.

But at the same time, there is lotsa evil shit in the air. NYC is going to hell in a hand basket thanks to the uber evil Mr. Dark. And the more bestial Fables like Clara, Beast, and Bigby (two of whom get in a big fight) are having trouble staying under control due to something Mr. Dark emits. They could go ape and start slaying folks for no reason! All in all, great stuff.

Though Dean is done with doing covers, the new guy has his own style that is very Fairy Tale/Storybookish. I could definitely see his art in a children's book section, no problem. It's growing on me.

BEST OF THE STACK (2) - PUNISHER #4

2009-04-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

Punisher also continues to be super duper good. I guess it's the ugly side to the bright and cheery (though dark) world of Fables that I need. So, it got high honors this week as well. The covers were cool this issue as they were both an homage to the original #1 issue from back in the day. Anyways, Rick Remender keeps pulling it off with this book. Somehow he's put Mr. Castle back in the Marvel U without it being too campy or goofy. Pitting him against The Hood is a great idea. Plus, he's writing The Hood as he should be - mean and nasty. And Remender doesn't pull any punches. Punished must've laid waste to 12 of The Hood's goons. Knives, guns, strangling, you name it. One particular goon gets blowed up real good - while wearing some ridiculous bear outfit.

Remender's dark humor (see bear explosion above) is all over the place. Especially when The Hood opens his mouth. I believe I laughed out loud a few times while reading this book as well. The writing is just spot on. The art matches the action, and the pace is breakneck.

There are some zings in the issue which are big news. The most obvious is the fact the fucking Microchip has ben resurrected (I guess The Hood can do that) and is working for The Hood against his will in a zombie fashion. I dunno. See where that leads. Lastly, Punisher is finally looking to use all that cool shit he's got laying around. He dona Ant Man's Helmet, a suspicious round shield, and a Iron Man-ish power glove in the last panel. Looks like The Punisher is gonna step it up a notch and take on/out some higher level villains. Cool deal.

This title is quickly becoming the first thing I read when I get home, beating out The Walking Dead and Hellboy related books. Quite the accomplishment!

WEEK OFF/COMIC PICK UP FAIL

2009-04-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

I failed to clean out my comic box this week, so there'll be no best of/worst of from me. Not that anyone really cares. Next week, next week...

PANEL FAIL OF THE WEEK - CAPTAIN AMERICA COMICS #7

2009-04-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

Though I noted a bigger fail after processing this photo (War of Kings #2 weird-ass panel split fail after the Blackbolt Robots blow up an enemy ship, go look for it) - this one is way funnier.

I wasn't sure what this comic was about or even that is was coming out. But it had Cap blasting Nazis in the face, so I grabbed it. Cool art and a simple story. But it had a back-up story in it (thus the extra dollar price hike) from back in the day. Now, it's from back in the day, so I'm just "funnin'" on this panel. Not hating on it, like it did with Mr. Tan.

Pretty self-explanitory. Cap is making sweet, sweet love to some hood after a sweaty chase across the baseball field. Oh yes Mr. Toad, time to turn in your uniform!

BEST OF THE STACK - AVENGERS INVADERS #9

2009-04-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

This here series has done a bunch of cool stuff and had great covers by Ross. It's also done some lame stuff. But recently it's back in the rad, realm. It's crazy to explain everything going on, but this issue had some nice concepts in it.

Some doofnik soldier from WWII snatches the Cosmic Cube from Doc Strange (I think it was him) just as he was gettign ready to fix everything. Soldier guy did this so he could use it to save his buddies back in WWII. So he went back and did so. But he forgot to shield himself and got shot and dropped the cube right at Red Skull's feet.

The heroes end up in an alternate world thanks do doofus. Enter 1945ish Nazi NYC and shit's gone bad. So what's left of the Avengers/Invaders (most of them got vaporized when dude stole the cube) have to dress up as old tyme heroes so as not to draw attention to the fact that they are from the future, yada yada yada. Time to punch some Nazis.

I'm a big ol' fan of The Twelve (which has apparently disappeared from reality) and seeing the heroes dressed up as Electro and what have you from the Golden Age is a gas. Yeah, a gas. They drop a few Zepplins on a bunch of Germans and have a laugh. The best bit was having to dress Luke Cage up so his skin color wouldn't show. So, he's lamping as The Black Avenger and not stoked about it. Things are back on track in the book and heading to a hopefully, Mega Panzer/Nazi Robot fueled conclusion. A fine read this week. Though Spiderman was pretty close to being my pick.

Also, this was a great one to read on the Metro, what with all the swastikas on the cover and all.

BEST OF THE STACK - FANTASTIC FOUR #565

2009-04-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

It was a really good week. No fails, no serious disappointments (New Avengers was pushin' it once again thanks to my buddy Mr. Billy Tan) but overall nothing but good stuff. Which made picking a favorite tough. Mighty Avengers managed to make me care again after a few issues of dullsville, Unknown Soldier was way brutal, Jack of Fables had a funny revelation, Conan is cutting things in half and Dear Billy ended in the horror we all knew it would. However I guess it wasn't really all that much of a contest once I picked up FF 565. As you can see above, the mystery critter fromt he previous issue was in fact a mega Cthulhu beast. Double-page spread of awesome followed by more great art and action. And man, it managed to end even awesomer.

After a full on battle, Sue drops a friggin' church on the mofo. Snap. Another double-page spread of total badassery. The FF has been so good since the Millar and Hitch run began and it just looks like it'll get even better. The end of this issue features a lady from the town run by the monster writing a gracious note to Sue a few months down the line. And it looks like everything has gone to shit. Doctor Doom and his mysterious evil teachers apparently wrecked some shop. Thing's fiance may bite it (surprise) and something else bad happened. What? Who knows! Next month is but 3 weeks away!

FAIL OF THE WEEK - THE END LEAGUE #7

2009-03-25T08:48:00.001-07:00

It's the end of The End League for me. Oh, how witty.

From such heights to such crap. Rick Remender has my neverending respect for the creation of Fear Agent as well as his recent work on The Punisher. The 1st issue or so of The End League was very cool too. Interesting takes on charactrs and a bleak universe where the heroes are outnumbered by villains. Sweet. But, The End League has now all gone to hell. The artist changed a few issue back to the dude who did Aeon Flux back in the day, Eric Canete. Not a horrible thing, but he's just not doing it for me here. I actually listened to an interview with him a month or so back and I admire his stance on art and the how things get done. He's all about deadlines and respecting them.

Art aside, the story is straight up retarded bonkers times infinity. It started out simple enough - get this hammer and smash this dude - then veered into crazyland. Then there's the issue of about 20 too many characters running around. This can be nice on one hand because characters often get eviscerated, but overall it just sucks. I end up not caring. And bi-montly isn't helping in any way. This thing is going nowhere fast. Such neato promise for a darker kind of superhero book done by a company that isn't Marvel or DC. Oh well. I'm done with this sucker officially.

BEST OF THE STACK - PUNISHER #3

2009-03-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

Punisher continues to hit all the high marks of fun in a comic for me. People get shot in the face, there's Fugazi/Black Flag references everywhere, the new microchip dude's name is Henry (a further 80s hardcore nod), insane karate dudes steal eyes, Punisher gets shot and beat to shit, lot's of action each issue, and there was a giant vat full of body parts which exploded. I'm down. Looks like good times for Punisher fans in the Marvel U.

There are some parallels to Fear Agent here and there though that may expose some weakness in Remender's creative writing abilities. Frank and Heath Huston are kinda similar in that they're both unshaven loners. They are both generally out for themselves, leaving others crippled in their wake as they attempt to always uphold their mission. Basically they seem to fuck things up more than fix them and people die because of their single minded focus. But, Frank doesn't have a jetpack. Yet.

I'm still totally into both titles though. I care not!

yeah yeah yeah... Wow!

2009-03-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah... WOW!

Once you watch, you'll be singing "yeah yeah yeah... wow!" as well.

Get ready to hold onto your seats true believers for Spider-man has returned to save us from the vile clutches of Professor Monster and the evil Iron Cross Army.

What? you don't know who the dastardly Professor Monster is? He's only been trying to destroy Spider-man for 400 years, that's who!

Professor Monster and his... friend, yeah, his friend, that's it.

Oh, I understand, you thought Spider-man was that Peter Parker kid. NO! Spider-man is Takuya Yamashiro, a motorcycle racer who becomes Spider-man after an encounter with Garia, Professor Monster's mortal enemy. Along with inheriting the Spider-man power, Takuya also gets the combat spaceship Marveller, a superfast, flying car, the GP7, and of course, his very own trusty robot - Leopardon!

Change Leopardon!!

Spider-man, along with Leopardon, will defend us all from the Iron Cross army, who look like a lot of guys in grey sweatpants wearing orange duckbill masks.

Diabolically dangerous and demented ninja ducks!

If your mind hasn't been blown to bits by the awesomeness, here's the skinny.

In 1978, Marvel made a deal where Toei of Japan could produce a Spider-man television show. It ran for 41 episodes. Recently the complete series was released in Japan on DVD. Now, are you ready? Marvel is releasing one episode a week on their website. The episodes have been subtitled and now you too can follow the exploits of Spider-man and the amazing Leopardon.

Episode 1:
The Time of Revenge Has Come! Beat Down Iron Cross Group!!

Episode 2:
Mysterious World! The Man Lives to Fate

Episode 3:
Mysterious Thief 001 VS. Spider-Man

Episode 4 will be available March 26th.

yay! (yeah, i've no idea what's going on here, but feel the love!)

JAMES JEAN'S FABLES RUN AND WHY HE RULES

2009-03-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

James Jean has bid the Fables cover art realm goodbye with issue #81. This guy has straight up produced stunning artwork for the past bunch of years. He helps bump comicdom up a notch in the eyes of critics. Seriously, he can't be touched. Not only is his style super badass, but his compositions are extremely varied and mind-blowing. He is simply amazing.

I'm completely convinced, COMPLETELY, that if Mr. Jean hadn't done the covers for the initial run of Umbrella Academy and the Free Comic Book Day issue, that the series would have died outright. I know I was drawn to it immediately by the cover, but turned off by the interior art and especially the association of Gerard Way (go ahead, google his name and tell me you can hand money to that guy) and My Chemical Romance. (Ugh)

The new cover artist for Fables is one Jao Ruas, and from what I've seen (minus Fables 82) he has the chops to produce equally quirky art for the series. He's got a bright color palette that'll help Fables continue to visually jump off the rack at your local store. But, he's got a tough road ahead in the eyes of Fables fans!

I've slapped a gallery of covers I scrounged off the internets in the box above for ya to check out. If you gots time, then hit:

http://www.jamesjean.com/

And check out his weirdo website. If you click images, new ones appear. Lots of neat shots of his studio and finished paintings on the actual canvas.

RIDICUL-O-PANEL OF LAFF (ROPOL)

2009-03-18T06:43:00.001-07:00

This ROPOL comes to us from within War of Kings #1. Heck you don't even have to buy the issue to enjoy this one because it's in the freebie preview online and in most related books. Ronan the Accuser, Kree super badass, gets bummed out by Crystal, the top slut of the Marvel Universe, and tosses his pretty flowers aside. Because he was eavesdropping in the garden. Wow.

Here's a wiki quote that sums it up:

"To bring their two races closer together, Ronan and Crystal's marriage proceeds. However, Crystal saw the marriage as a political affair, which Ronan overheard, having brought flowers."

BEST OF THE STACK - BPRD BLACK GODDESS #3

2009-03-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

BPRD continues to deliver the supernatural funtimes I crave. In this issue we were finally treated to the background of creepy ol' Martin Gilfryd. He's some sorta goon that is supposed to be able to "tame fire to breed dragons." Or something that involves Liz. Some heavy duty consequences are bound to occur from these issues. Maybe even to the point that Hellboy gets involved once more? Here's to hoping.

Anyways, Yeti, frogs, underground critters, cultists, dragons, tanks, fishmen, giant walker beasts - all that shit comes outta the woodwork to do battle in the mountains. Guy Davis continues to deliver in his trademark style. That dude is 100% on the ball AND he's supposed to be working on his Marquis stuff again for this coming Fall. I am waaaaaaaaaay excited to see that stuff in print again.

So yeah, hooray BPRD.

COACH'S STAR PLAYER OF THE WEEK - IRON FIST #23

2009-03-16T19:48:00.000-07:00

When Duane Swierczynski took over this book, he had some big shoes to fill as it had been previously written by the amazing team of Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction. I must admit, his first story arc, while technically well-done, left me a little dry. However this latest storyline - Escape from the Eighth City has started off with a bang!

If you don't know, Iron Fist is about billionaire kung-fu master Danny Rand who (among other things) has the ability to channel his Chi into his fist to make it "like unto a thing of iron" (truly one of the best schticks in comics). This latest incarnation of this book has revealed that he is just one in a long line of Iron Fists and that he is one of the Immortal Weapons (cue cheesy Shaw Bros. music) who fight for the glory of their otherworldly home city, K'un-Lun. Hence the title (abbreviated above): The Immortal Iron Fist.

In this issue the Immortal Weapons (Tiger's Beautiful Daughter, Dog Brother #1, etc...) have been trapped in the ancient and forbidden eighth city (!) where all the other seven heavenly cities have been dumping demons, criminals, and any undesirables who they wanted to do away with. Needless to say, since the previous incarnations of the Immortal Weapons did the dumping, the occupants of the city are less than welcoming when this new batch shows up through the somewhat inconvenient one-way portal. Therefore, their ruler Changming, decrees that they will fight non-stop against all comers in the arena and that their only rest will be while one of the other Immortal Weapons is fighting.

What follows throughout the story is a rollicking, rolling good time which is part Big Trouble in Little China, part The Great Escape, and part mixed martial arts competition. I have to say my favorite part of the issue occurs when Iron Fist is put up against a little whirly-gig type creature that doubles in size everytime it is hit. Iron Fist's method for dispatching this creepily drawn critter takes a few pages right from Fist of the Northstar and is a blast to read. The artwork is quirky but well suited to the story material throughout and some of the creatures exiled to the hell city are downright disturbing.

I won't ruin it, but the twist ending is also pretty nifty and will leave long-time Iron Fist fans wondering how much of this story is true and how much is a trick by the villainous Changming. So if you have even a passing interest in Chinese mythology, crappy kung-fu movies, or just good comics, check out The Immortal Iron Fist.

It will hit you like a Poison Clan (rocks the world!) cyclone-cutting kick to the neck and leave you begging for the Sand Palm finisher until next issue!

LETDOWN OF THE WEEK - FABLES #82

2009-03-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

This issue wasn't exactly fail level material, but nothing I picked up this week really fits into that category. Which is a good thing! So, I invented the Letdown category. Because I can!

Fables 82 features an artist change-up both on the cover and interior. This made for some minor shock and adjustment in my brain. I knew James Jean was history in terms of covers, which is a total bummer. (more on this later this week) We've been blessed with pretty much the best regular cover artist in the biz for quite some time now. The new guy Jao Ruas has some ridiculously large shoes to fill.

But, the interior art was bummerville. Fill-in artist David Hahn is competent and gets the job done. But this at the cost of the super cool and interesting panel layouts that Buckingham usually provides. Plus this guy was wee bit too anime-ish for my tastes. But it's temporary. Seems kinda lame to wrap up Boy Blue's death with a filler artist though.

However, I guess this filler issue was necessary given the upcoming "Great Fables Crossover" deal where Fables, Jack of Fables, and The Literals (some new thing) finally interact with one another. That's nine Fables titles in 3 months! I'm pretty stoked on this as Jack of Fables has begun to get a little iffy in spots out there on his own. He needs to get back with his peeps and start some shit there.

BEST OF THE STACK - THE GOON #32

2009-03-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna have to say that for the past couple issues (4-ish) during "Goon Year", this series has taken a serious nosedive. The most obvious drop in quality was that he art was getting really sloppy, rushed, and sparse. Backgrounds were mostly white, brushstrokes were overlapping the word balloons, and details were going by the wayside. Perhaps this was just a symptom of fulfilling a full 12 issue run on a creator written/drawn/inked book, producing a full length graphic novel, as well as attending the multitude of cons in a given year. That's a good bit of work and it seems Powell stretched himself too thin. I dunno.

All I do know is that The Goon was starting to suck pretty hard and looked to be slooooowly circling the drain. The story was spinning it's wheels, nothing was funny anymore, the tone got serious, Spider didn't show up as much, girl stuff intruded, and the new monsters were kinda iffy. The attempt at a larger story arc was failing. What endeared me to the goon in the 1st place were the insane villains and one off battles. The newer back and forth battles with the wicker dude just wasn't doing it. I figured Mr. Powell simply burned out. It has been a long run. Perhaps he would go the Mignola route and produce cool covers for stuff. But that thought seemed like sacrilege.

The Goon #32 nukes all these pessimistic thoughts. The art is top notch and full of rich, strange colors once more. Background are back. There's an awesome Hobo King to kick the hell out of. Funny stuff happens. There's a Rape Bear. I can forgive the weird breaking of the barrier with the whole Powell and Morgan Freeman conversation, as he used to do this all the time early on with goofy ads. When this brief bit passes, it's just old tyme Goon action once more. So, here's to hoping it keeps up.

Plus there is a really nice set of sketches by fellow artists and a great retrospective on how The Goon came to be. Some of the early Goon sketches look a whole lot like Bigby Wolf. Like exactly. So, maybe Willingham and Sturges have some explaining to do...

And as for the future, it looks like Mr. Powell is gonna take a swing at drawing goofy fun stuff for kids. A project named "Chimichanga!" is about a bearded girl and her adventures or something. To do this he's reviving the Albatross Exploding Funny Books label. As cool as this is, I hope The Goon will not take a backseat in he quality department.

WHO WATCHED THE WATCHMEN? - I DID

2009-03-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

If you are a comic fan worth your salt, you’re going to see the Watchmen movie regardless of what anyone says about it – you’re all stubborn bastards that just have to see it for yourselves. Fear not comic fans, if you’ve read the graphic novel (get off this site if you haven’t) there are no spoilers to be had in this review. (ok, not many)

You might love it and you might hate it, but one thing you won’t be able to say is that the Watchmen movie was not true to the Alan Moore graphic novel… at least, the words and pictures part of it. Unfortunately, this is my big problem with the movie; it is so true to the text and imagery of Mr. Moore’s comic masterpiece that I found it incredibly boring to watch! I knew every line and every action before they happened. Watchmen’s director Zack Snider was really in a no-win situation from the start. If he got all “visionary” with Watchmen, the rabid comic nerds would rip him a new one. Staying ultra-true to the comic’s iconography and dialog was probably a more dangerous choice. From the silent audience and blank stares, I’m not sure many muggles (non-comic peeps) understood a large portion of the movie. To boot, comic fans can almost never be appeased with a portion saying it was not true enough to the Gospel of Alan and others like myself that know the story so well it was tedious to behold.

Want a copy of the Watchmen movie script? Grab your worn copy of the trade paperback and tear out about 20% of the pages. What you will have left is literally the line-for-line dialog of this movie. Two days before going to see Watchmen, I regrettably managed to find time to re-read Watchemen #1-4. It was spooky how few lines were added or altered. If this is how adaptations work, sign me up, I’ve got scripts for almost every DC and Marvel character ready to go…

There were some things I liked. Plot-wise, the changed ending was fine as I think the original ending would have broken the minds of the audience. In addition, the opening credits did a great job of presenting a lot of character bios in very little time and space. I also liked the shameless Silk Spectre II costume and I look forward to seeing many homemade copies of it at GenCon this year.

All in all, the acting was pretty weak – maybe because there was no opportunity to improvise, or maybe because the actors just aren’t very good. None of them did enough to make me empathize with their plight except maybe Rorschach.

Malin Akerman (Laurie Jupiter / Silk Spectre II) Drop the smoking, 10 years, the bitchiness, and add a black & yellow latex costume and you have a Silk Spectre updated for today’s man-boy. Malin is a pretty bad actress but not too hard on the eyes. They say she is Canadian (by way of Sweden) so she must have some redeeming qualities.

Matthew Goode (Adrian Veidt / Ozymandias) Mathew Goode was not. He made Malin look like a knighted Shakespearian actor. Line! He looked like Ozymandias, but, I’m sorry, it takes more…

Patrick Wilson (Dan Dreiberg / Nite Owl II) The fellow who played Nite Owl did a satisfactory job, but I think his mad skills were hampered by Zach’s over-zealous following of the Moore Bible. Very little emotion came through, and, frankly, I didn’t care if he lived or died.

Haley Joel Osmond (Walter Kovacs / Rorschach) Actually played by Jackie Earle Haley, Rorschach is the only character that is of any interest. Almost all of his lines are straight from the comic, but at least he is entertaining. One thing I didn’t about his portrayal , is that the moviemakers did a poor job highlighting his ultra right-wing personality. Sure, the lines were there, but they were easily missed if you were not looking for them.

Billy Crudup (Dr. Manhattan / Jon Osterman) I liked him when he was human, but the 1985 Dr. Manhattan was a bit of a sad sack and too soft spoken for my liking. If you like blue wieners this is the movie for you.

Three fairly strong performances were Carla Gugino as Sally Jupiter, Matt Frewer as Moloch the Mystic, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian. Of the three, only the Comedian failed to be dead-on. Even though he committed atrocities upon the Vietnamese, US Citizens, JFK, and Sally Jupiter, he didn’t come off as much of a badass. He was about as hard as J. Jonah Jameson.
Watchmen gets a 65% from me and as of writing has a 66% on RottenTomatoes. You definitely need to see it (maybe the super-extendo version on DVD will be better) but if you go in expecting to be under-whelmed, you’ll probably have a much better experience then I did.

Know Your Foes!

2009-03-06T13:15:00.000-08:00

Recently whenever Marvel begins a huge promotional crossover event they produce a book containing data files that review and update the status on various characters. In the past these Data File type books have read very much like an encyclopedia. Back in the 80’s Marvel produced a monthly book called, The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe. Every so often they would produce updates and about seven years ago they started up once again.

During the Initiative and the Skrull Invasion promotions Marvel started adding more fun to these seemingly dry books. Marvel’s latest efforts came out on February 25th, entitled, Dark Reign Files - Know Your Foes. What makes this book fun is that the reader finds out that the less than friendly living computer, Quasimodo (Quasi-Motivational Destruct Organism) was found and reactivated by Norman Osborn and company. This creepy creation of the Mad Thinker has fought with the Fantastic Four, the Silver Surfer, Captain Marvel, the Beast, Spider-man, Hawkeye, and numerous other heroes over one reason or another.

In an email to Norman Osborn ol’ Quasi explains how he has analyzed 189 persons or organizations of interest. Each entry revues the following:

Threat: The entity’s perceived threat to the Cabal and the USA
Loyalty: The likelihood of the entity obeying the Cabal’s wishes
Influence: The support the entity has among its peers
Power: The particular might of the entity’s abilities or resources
Expendability: The entity’s ability to be discarded or replaced

Many of Quasimodo’s entries are an entertaining read. His assessment on the Leader for example is that he’s essentially more trouble than he’s worth and should be “promptly disposed of.” Or his thoughts on Mandrill, “I would advise placing this unfaithful foul-up in the deepest, most isolated prison possible, leaving him there until he rots away, never to be recognized by eyes, human or machine, again!” Nice!

I’m not sure if the Head Writer/Coordinator, Michael Hoskin picked the characters or not, but if he did, he certainly can be congratulated for choosing such a whacky mix. From new villains such as Lady Bullseye, Menace, and Miss Sinister, to classics such as Grim Reaper, Doctor Octopus, and Whirlwind. ROM fans will be excited to see the Dire Wraiths getting an entry. There’s Cobweb, the villain to Sleepwalker, Cardiaxe, the villain to Nightwatch, and the extraterrestrial Snarks, villains to Power Pack. Heck, even Ulysses S. Archer Marvel’s favorite space traveling truck driver’s brother, the Highwayman got an entry.

So that’s it in a nutshell! Be sure to give this book a read, as you won’t be disappointed. That’s a big 10-4! Over and out!

COACH'S STAR PLAYER OF THE WEEK - GREEN LANTERN #38

2009-03-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

Over the last 5 years or so my consumption of DC Comics has gone from occasional to die-hard. There are certain books which I look forward to each month, but none of them have been able to hold a candle to the absolute guaranteed good reads of Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps.

I have never been a Hal Jordan/Green Lantern fan. He was always just one of many of a corps intergalactic police officers with a green ring who banged around the DCU and made big hammers and hands out of light. However, all of this changed when DC came up with the Sinestro Corps War. Written by Geoff Johns and Dave Gibbons and drawn by Ethan Van Sciver and Ivan Reis. It set a new standard for great artwork, big time action, and excellent writing in the book. Which brings us to my pick of the week, Green Lantern #38.

Throughout the last year or so the running theme in both Green Lantern books has been a prelude to the upcoming "War of Light" which is then going to bring about the dreaded "Darkest Night" and the birth of the Black Lanterns. Oooooo - Scary! From all of the preview stuff so far, it's a good bet that the Black Lantern has the ability to raise the dead so we're looking at an interstellar zombie war in the DCU. Oh boy!!!

Aside from having great artwork by Ivan Reis throughout the book, this issue brings to a close to the Rage of the Red Lanterns storyline (Red Lanterns are consumed by rage and can vomit red corrosive blood/light from their mouths to destroy their enemies). The recently revealed spectrum of emotion/light-based power rings is a great idea and so far we've seen Green (Willpower), Yellow (Fear), Blue (Hope), Red (Rage), Orange (Avarice), Violet (Love), and Indigo (Compassion) get into the act. As Hal Jordan - Green Lantern gets consumed by the power of the red ring, the Blue Lantern Saint Walker slips a new blue ring onto his hand and turns him into... something new. You have to read it to see but there's lotsa action, Sinestro getting his big pink ass fried, and best of all, the Red Lantern alien space kitty Dex-Star who spits flaming blood on everyone in sight (this gives a whole new meaning to the expression "angry pussy").

The backup feature is just as cool as it contains an episode of the Origins and Omens story which is running through most mainline DC books in February 2009. Needless to say, the banged up female guardian Scar dripping black blood from her eyes to write the book of the Black Lanterns makes this comic more than worth the $2.99 price of admission.

If you haven't been reading Green Lantern, do yourself a favor and pick up the trades for Green Lantern: Rebirth, The Sinestro Corps War and get caught up with the latest stories via the back-issue bins. You won't be sorry and you'll be prepared for all the badassery which will be coming with the Darkest Night.

BEST OF THE STACK - FANTASTIC FOUR #564

2009-03-04T09:07:00.001-08:00

The cover says nothing as lame as a turkey dinner goes on inside the issue, and this is correct to some extent - since this is pretty much a set up issue. The last few issues have set up some dope Doc Doom story possibilities. What with the few glimpses of his mysterious masters or whatever, which were pretty terrifying. I mean if Doom bows in fealty to someone, then they have to be one badass and cruel being. But this issue takes a break form that story line development, leaving Doom in his prison, to await whatever the evil master guys have in mind. Nope, it's vacation time for the FF. And just like when the Brady Bunch went on their Hawaii trip, some weird stuff is about to go down.

Mainly I chose this as the BoTS because the art was super cool and the storyline sets up some ominous shit. Bryan Hitch basically writes a love letter to Scotland with the art. There were at least 2 double page spreads of idillyc countryside and several full pages that really soak up the historic architecture of small Scottish village life. Although my heart of hearts wishes the FF had gone to Assisi instead, the backdrops shown here are just awesome. Anyways, these lovely images also contain ominous bits and pieces that help set the atmosphere for what's to come next. Weird stone circles on hilltops, ruins, macabre statues, and cryptic designs on public fountains that all scream weirdo monster cult ahead. Plus the flashbacks about a baby eating creature or person helps put you in the right frame of mind while viewing the panels.

The story ends on a cliffhanger as Val flies off (Reed made flight jackets as an xmas gift to the kids) into some creepy forest to check out some abandoned tower with her brother. Franklin can't find his sister in the woods and stumbles upon something shown off panel to be revealed next issue. Unfortunately the issue ends with a terrible full page panel of poorly drawn, encephalitic headed Franklin. But this doesn't ruin all the cool stuff that came before. I'm very curious to see what's in store for next issue. Good stuff.

THE SENTRY: GOLDEN GUARDIAN OF CONFUSOVISION

2009-03-03T19:35:00.000-08:00

I've been reading Marvel Comics for a while now, so when a concept comes along that makes me look up from the habitual reading of all things superheroic and say, "Wow, that's kind of cool.", it must be something truly interesting. The Sentry is one of those concepts. Unfortunately for the poor reader, while being truly interesting, The Sentry is one of the most misused, confusing, and all-around banged up characters currently being utilized in modern day comics.

Originally, the Sentry was a scam created by Marvel to answer the question: "What if there was a hero that not only the Marvel Universe forgot about, but the reader as well." It was some tricknology that attempted to break the 4th wall between the reader and the comic and for the most part it worked.

There were articles in Wizard Magazine and other trade rags that were "leaked" for the set-up and then a 10-issue series (5 numbered and 5 one-shots) by Jae Lee, Paul Jenkins and the master of the Marvel gimmick Stan "The Man" Lee which told the story of sad sack Robert Reynolds, The Sentry (a hero with the power of a million exploding suns - more on this in a bit) and the case of ultra amnesia he inflicted on everyone to defeat his greatest enemy, The Void.

**Spoiler Alert**Now the twist for your melon is, the Sentry and the Void are 2 halves of the same being, because he's a schizo. Therefore, the only way he can defeat himself is to make everyone, including himself, the entire Marvel Universe, and the reader forget he ever existed. This should give you an idea of the power level we are dealing with. If you can make Galactus (one of the first beings born into the universe) forget who you are because you want to, well you're pretty badass.**End Spoiler Alert**

All of this was well and good. The limited series had some success as a cerebral, self-contained, and slightly wacky but well-done experiment and it was left well enough alone. That is, until the filthy, chubby hands of one Brian Michael Bendis decided to bring the Sentry back for use in New Avengers #1. Now don't get me wrong, I like BMB's work in most cases. However, I've found him to occasionally be a writer who takes a concept to a certain point and then leaves it broken and sitting in the corner like a doll missing one of its eyes and both legs for someone else to fix to play with. Sentry was retconned back into the Marvel U, had some stories told about him for 4 or 5 issues and then set loose to play in the mainline Marvel Universe continuity. Another limited series followed (which retconned his origin again), followed by various appearances in the New Avengers, Mighty Avengers, and most recently, The Dark Avengers (See a theme here?).

Now here's my bitch, Sentry has been described as having the power of a "Million Exploding Suns" and having been transformed by a chemical concoction "100,000 times as powerful as the super solider serum which made Captain America". His signature move is to throw shit which annoys him into the fucking sun. How do you handle a character like that? Original plans were discussed which made him like a great white shark - For example, if Shocker and his D-bag squad are fighting Squirrel Girl and the Great Lakes Avengers (no shit - not making them up, click the links, really) and Sentry flies over, everyone quits what they are doing and acts like they are minding their own business.

However, rather than go this route, it was decided that Sentry would have a basically crippling form of totally unpredictable mental illness, which causes his powers to fluctuate wildly. One minute he's lifting aircraft carriers and choke-slamming Sub-Mariner's pet man-whale Giganto, the next he's afraid to go outside his ranch-style home. Balls. He gets bitched by Ultron in a titty-tastic Frank Cho issue of Mighty Avengers and then, a few months later goes toe to toe with a Hulk so enraged he can "break the world". Double Balls.

In conclusion, I'm still really rooting for the Sentry. I think the character is awesome as a flawed giant in the Marvel Universe and if they can lock him down with a stable set of powers and ideas, I think he'll continue to be awesome. It's rumored that Bendis is getting back to the Sentry in Dark Avengers #3 and hopefully this will straighten him out (and maybe answer what the hell he saw in the rings of Saturn that made him cry boo-hoo again). However, given Marvel's past track record for dealing with complex character problems of late (One More Day anyone?) I'm not going to bet that the Sentry will be any more unfucked before the end of the year.

FAIL OF THE WEEK + WORST PANEL: New Avengers #50

2009-03-02T18:38:00.000-08:00

2 for one! Alright! This one make me sad because I really like the New Avengers stuff. It's been the more interesting and consistent of the bunch. But last issue, as with this one, the god awful Billy Tan was in charge of the art. The dude has some issues that make reading the book a chore. Which is a damn shame because cool stuff happens in this issue. So I guess the story is still fun and interesting. The one panel of Ares sorta hangin' back after Osborn goes off on why the Mighty Avengers should go do yada yada has given me some hope for this rad character that is being poorly written. Plus The Wrecker showed up again! And I really liked the bit where 7 or so artists tackled a character and their thoughts on a page during the big battle. Cool stuff. But all this can't negate the terrrrrrrrrible art. Onto the fail!

Proportion fail everywhere! The panel above is fucking amazing. Power Man is either normal sized of 70 ft tall. If he's normal sized, then Cap has shrunk to about 3 foot tall and is standing on an unseen table or hovering in place. If Power Man has suddenly grown a few feet taller, then so has Cap's apartment. Because the bricks in the wall behind everyone are about 3 feet wide if Cap is supposed to be a human. Mega bricks! Mega fail! We won't even go into how tall Wolverine possibly is in this panel. Not to mention the size DDD knockers Mockingbird happens to be sporting just for this very special panel. Which brings me to the next fail line item. Tits and ass.

The above wonder panel is repeated 3 times down the page. (this cheap filler technique is actually used about 3+ times throughout this issue) Really not much to say here other than...why? Jeeze, break out the double dong and be done with it already.

Here's another cheap titty panel. Watch in amazement as Norman Osborn slowly smiles at Spider Woman's tits! Great! I love this stuff! #1 Super Job! Faces only get in the way of the curves and nipples I crave so badly! Bleh.

Alright, so you've slogged through the embarrassing amounts of TnA (I was reading this bad boy on a packed Metro during the morning rush) and now it's time for the big fight with The Hood and his gang of D-list miscreants. Cool beans. I like D-list miscreants, they're ridiculous and entertaining. There's lotsa fighting to be sure, but I take umbrage with some of the poses. Mostly the (surprise) ladies' poses. Actually all the poses. Fuck it, this page sucks. For one thing, where's the ground? Just what IS Power Man stepping on exactly? Ditto for Cap. Ugh. Here are some of the fail highlights, numbered in the image above. (click for larger, labia filled version) Consequently I name this my pick for worst panel of the week.

1. Cap's enhanced, Russian engineered junk is getting in on the action. Nice! Bulgy!
2. Who doesn't want a little labia action in their flying pose? Yeah!
3. Oh Mocking bird, thanks for the inner thigh muscle/upskirt combo for no apparent reason. I've got a boner now! What a great day!
4. Ms. Marvel wants to share a little full disclosure with Power Man. Is Jessica jealous? Plus, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE STANDING ON?
5. Cap's left knee is so fucking powerful that it blasted the legs of whoever the dark skinned dude is behind said knee into the Negative Zone. Where is the rest of this guy's body? And for double measure, why is the guy's left arm AS THICK AS HIS TORSO?
6. Random fucking fist. Thanks for that detail. Maybe it belongs to the guy Cap's knee blasted in half?

Billy Tan, please stop drawing tits and ass for the sake of poorly proportioned, over exaggerated tits and ass. In fact, please just stop drawing. There are people out there who need jobs more than you.

Who IS Marvel's Smartest Person?!?

2009-03-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

Greetings fellow True Believers!
For those of you who are fans of the Hulk and Hercules you may have noticed the teenage super-genius sidekick extraordinaire, Amadeus Cho. This fairly new character to the Marvel Universe (since January 2006, Amazing Fantasy #15) has the mental capacity to make precise calculations that under his advisement can change the odds in his or his allies favor. Reed Richards described him as the 7th smartest person in the world, no small claim coming from Reed!

Amadeus and Hercules have become strange allies and of late have found themselves mixed up in the newly reconfigured Migthy Avengers. In issue #21 Hank Pym states that Cho is actually the 8th smartest person in the world. I’m not sure how Reed made that error in judgment, but it was his idea to steal a rocket with piss poor shielding and fire off into space with his then girl friend Sue Storm, her kid brother Johnny, and his best friend Ben Grimm. I mean it wasn’t like they were going to the corner store to pick-up milk! But I digress!

This newly discovered revelation started a debate between everyone’s favorite Crazy Injun, Dashing Dan B. and myself as to who were the smartest brains in the Marvel Universe?

Here are my choices based off of the Marvel Universe site (which scales various characters abilities from a scale of 1 to 7) and using wise comic nerd knowledge:

1) Mister Fantastic – Reed Richards
2) Doctor Doom – Victor von Doom
3) Iron Man – Anthony “Tony” Stark
4) Apocalypse – En Sabah Nur
5) Mister/Ms. Sinister – Nathaniel Essex/Claudine Renko
6) Beast – Henry “Hank” McCoy
7) Wasp/Yellowjacket/Giant-Man/Goliath/Ant-Man – Henry “Hank” Pym
8) Amadeus Cho

There are definitely some other guys worth debating about, such as Herbert Edgar Wyndham, The High Evolutionary (who by the way was inspired by Mr. Sinister in the 1900’s). Marvel has him listed as a 6 on the intelligence scale, but I don’t know. This guy created the New Men (evolved animals that can walk and talk like humans). In truth he got the blueprint for breaking the genetic code from the Inhuman know as Phader. So yeah, he cheated a bit. However it was still Wyndham who created the Isotopes to control genetic alteration. Even cooler he built a suit of protective armor that could heal him, as well as provide complete life support. Plus, he built a Counter-Earth for his New Men, but enough about The High Evolutionary for now.

The rest of the smartest characters on the 6 scale are the Leader – Samuel Sterns, Hulk – Robert “Bruce” Banner, Spider-Man – Peter Parker, and Magneto – Magnus.

Coming in at 5 is Charles Xavier (Professor X), Norman Osborn (Green Goblin), Nathaniel Richards (Reed’s dimension hopping dad), and Paul Norbert Ebersol (the Fixer). Oh yeah, X-Men fans Forge is only ranked in the 4 category.

So, for now Amadeus Cho IS the 8th smartest person in the world, that is until Valeria Richards grows up!

TOD PANEL BONANZA PT1: HOW TO TREAT A LADY

2009-02-25T19:32:00.000-08:00

While blazing through the Tomb of Dracula Essentials, I noted many things. Most of all I noted how much I dug the Gene Colan on pencils and Tom Palmer ink combo. The few issues where Colan took a break or whatever was reeeeeeally evident, and bummed me out. I've only seen a few of these in color and I liked what I saw. Less bright color, and more moody, deep inky panels. But more importantly, I learned a lot about life and how I should lead it.

>>> TREATS THE BITCHES WITH RESPECT! <<<

Man, it's like every other panel ol' Draco is knocking some wench to the ground. Whattaguy!