COACH'S 10 MINUTE WORKOUT - FLASH REBIRTH #3

Time is short of late so Coach Cohen is back with a quick set of wind sprints this time out. I've been reading a lot of DC Comics lately because their books are shit-hot like lightning. They've got a good stable of writers and artists (like Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver in this case) which let them give the usual front runner Marvel Comics a reason to pant towards the finish line. Therefore, I'm pleased to be able to say that Flash Rebirth is shaping up to be a fun series to read and that Flash Rebirth 3 has been the best so far.

Flash Rebirth reintroduces the character who was perhaps the most holy of holy grail unreturnable from the dead characters in comicbookdom - Barry Allen aka The Flash. Barry Allen basically brought the Silver Age of comics kicking and screaming out of the darkness that was the 50's and paved the way for the classic costumed heroes of the 60's, 70's and beyond. He was killed saving the universe from the Anti-Monitor in Crisis on Infinite Earths and his sacrifice was so noble and unexpected that it seemed there was no way he would return. Besides, his protege Wally West (previously Kid Flash) took up the mantle for Barry with such aplomb that there was no reason for a comeback. Until now.

See, Grant Morrison's insane Final Crisis crossover series really shook up reality inside and outside of the DC universe. So it seems the time is ripe for big daddy Barry to run back into the limelight. So what makes this issue so good? Well first off, it settles the old chestnut - Who is faster, Superman or the Flash? When Superman tries to stop Barry from sacrificing himself again, and intimates that he's beaten The Flash in a couple races before then, Barry bitchslaps him with logical tricknology by telling him "Clark, those were for charity." before leaving him with a mouthful of Flash-flavored dust.

Second, is this guy - The Black Racer:

Created by the Titan-Who-Walked-Among-Men Jack Kirby for his New Gods series, the Black Racer was the personification of Death and was a New God who even Darkseid respected since, eventually, even he would fall before him.

Well, during Final Crisis, Barry/Flash outraced a Grant Morrison fever-dream version of the Black Racer, and now, it seems he's become this:

The Black Flash - death to all the Speedsters in the DC universe as he consumes their "Speed Force" and turns them into burnt out crispy critters. Is this related to the Black Racer at all? Who knows? Grant Morrison is crazy as a bag of monkey nuts and his stories rarely make sense (and I like Final Crisis and his writing), but it's badass all the same. All in all, a good read and a fun ride. Or is that run?

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #595

Despite laughing several times out loud while reading the bonus Fable book, The Literals, Spiderman #595 takes my pick for best read. This issue was jammed with stuff, mostly involving the broken-ass Osborn family.

Harry is trying a new attitude and outlook on life. Carefree and fun, he finally sticks it to his deranged pops. But, as always, anyone flying high and feelin' good in a Spidey book has to eat some shit. So, Menace/Lily/Harry's Ex-Girlfirend shows up in Menace form, reverts to good the lookin' Lily form and reveals that she is way preggers. Harry caves, renegs on his "Fuck you Dad!" speech, and takes up the offer to work for the Dark Avengers and presumably become the next Captain America type dude on Osborn's Avengers/Thunderbolts in disguise. (Despite the fact that the embryo is bound to be banged up from all the Green Goblin chemicals and stuff)

Where's Spiderman you ask? He shows up at the end and beats the sweet bejesus out of Norman Osborn. I'm not sure how Norman lives after being hurled through concrete, a window, and taking a few blows from a dude who can practically lift cars over his head - but it looked good on the page. Eveyone's been wanting to see Norman eat some fist for a while now. It's like that one Thor issue where he belts Iron Man a few miles with Mjolnir. Anyways, it looked like Spiderman just might actually kill the bastard, thanks to a pep talk from Wolverine (because he is in every damn book made nowadays), but...ya know he pusses out. Still, fun stuff, and this is only part 1 of 5 I believe.

COACH'S STAR PLAYER PICK - WOLVERINE #72

Now I've been having mixed feelings with Marvel Comics of late with their recent money-grabbing price rise on their most popular books and sporadic fill-in style quality on some others. However, the Wolverine: Old Man Logan storyline by the Hulk-level heavyweight team of Steve Mcniven, Mark Millar, Dexter Vines, and Morry Hollowell has gotten better and better with each successive issue.

Mcniven's art just keeps getting more polished. He rose to people's attention with his standout work on Marvel Knights and hit it out of the park with the main Civil War book. Old Man Logan is probably his best work to date. The storyline loosely follows the plot of one of my favorite balls-out, hard-ass Clint Eastwood westerns, Unforgiven. Set in an alternate future after the villains have all but wiped out super-powered heroes Logan aka Wolverine has given up his seemingly inexhaustible potential for violence in return for eking out a subsistence farm living with his wife and two kids in a burnt out cinder of California desert. All the while he is harassed by Bruce Banner's inbred, Hulked-out relatives who demand the "rent" and threaten to tear down Logan's life before his eyes. What follows is a cross-country quest for cash romp which features (in no particular order) the Spidermobile, Hank Pym's skeleton (now an expressway), a Venom-infected Tyrannosaurus Rex, Black Bolt, Moloids, and much more!!!


This issue starts out with President Red Skull standing over and gouging the eyes out Blade Runner-style of a banged up and weeping Captain America (presumably Bucky by the uniform, flesh left arm, and brown eyes but who knows at this point). That Nazi fuck thinks he's got all the cards until he eventually decides to gloat over a shot-up Logan and poor old dead, blind Hawkeye's corpses in his "trophy room" (Reed Richards is skinned and stretched on one of the walls like a flag - dope!).


Of course Logan's inevitable healing factor kicks in and Red Skull tries to give our favorite Canadian scrapper a final beat down with Black Knight's magical sword. Unfortunately for him, he gets his fascist ass handed to him in truly fine fashion with no less than Captain America's indestructible shield to the trachea. USA! USA!


The issue ends with Logan flying all the way back across the country in Iron Man's old armor and showing up to pay the Hulk gang two weeks early only to be told "They got bored." I'll let you decide what's going to happen next from the picture below:


Win! Win! Win! A great story, with tons of cool little nods to the fan boys, connection to Wolverine's origin in Hulk #181, and all ending up in a previously unannounced Double-Sized special which will probably cost $8.00 by the time it's done. I don't care. I'm there. Go get-em you hairy old Canuck bastard!