POWER OF A MILLION BORED READERS

This issue was solicited as:

"SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER TIE-IN!! The secrets of the Sentry are revealed but is it too late? Is this a hero reborn or a eulogy? The most pivotal moment in this controversial character's life yet is here, and how it affects the siege on Asgard will leave you breathless."

What we got in terms of the sizzlin' shockin' Sentry was:

Ooooooooooo dark and spooky sky! Oh noes black eyes!1!!1 Wooooooaaaaah same dull Sentry shit as ever!

What a lame rip-off. "Breathless"? No way. More like 4 bucks-less.

MARTIN/PULITO/AZACETA ON SPIDERMAN. FOREVER.

The past 2 months/8 issues of Spider-man have been wonderful comic bookery. Marcos Martin, Javier Pulido, and Paul Azaceta are the perfect Spider-man artists. Just enough retro style, yet completely modern. No muscley musculature nonsense, just fab art and vibrant colors. More please. Rotate them. Pay them well. Whatever it takes.

BLOG CHALLENGE: WHO IS RULK?

As you can see from my recent Top 10 of 2009 post, I've been reading Hulk for a while now. One of the burning questions in the series is "Who is Rulk?" aka Red Hulk. There have been plenty of red herrings thrown out there including Doc Samson, Rick Jones, Bruce Banner, and Betty Ross. The current likely candidate is Colonel Glenn Talbot:

At this point I really don't care who it is. It's bound to be someone I've never heard of and Talbot is just too easy, so I've taken to thinking who would be the most ridiculous candidate. Here's my current choice:

This is Devil Dinosaur. A favorite of mine when I was a boy from the awesomely madcap mind of Jack "The King" Kirby. Obviously they are both red and Devil is prone to transdimensional exploits so he's a prime suspect. Now here's the challenge: Tell me who Rulk is. You have to show your work with some sort of reasoning - the more ridiculous the better, the candidate doesn't even need to be a Marvel character, and the most entertaining to me will be declared winner for all the interwebs to see on this very blog. Get your thinkin' caps on and post your answer in the comments!

COACH'S TOP 10 OF 2009!

Yeah, this is late. I've been sitting on it for over a month but since a certain floating fat man who shall remain unnamed threw down the gauntlet on his own read worthy blog (although I'm not sure how he did it with his tiny T-Rex type arms and enormous abdomen blocking the way to his keyboard), here are my picks for the top 10 books of 2009. Most of these will be sadly predictable but tough, I'm writing this and you're not. If you don't like them, add your own top 10 in the comments. All covers are from whatever issues I can find because that's what I want. In reverse order:

10. Hellboy: The Wild Hunt

I like Hellboy, I like giant pig monsters, I like Celtic legends, and I like characters that shout "Boom!" when they knock the snot out of something with their giant stone whammer hand.

9. The Destroyer

Robert Kirkman is a great writer and the artwork by Cory Walker was more than sufficient. This was an ultra-violent retrofit of a Timely Comics character from the Golden Age. There's some great black comedy here as The Destroyer works out new and creative ways to destroy (go figure) villains in each issue. Get the trade and read the whole thing at once.

8. Witchfinder: In the Service of the Angels

Another choice from the Dark Horse imprint. This tale of Victorian supernatural investigator Edward Grey started out slow but by the end I was eagerly looking forward to each issue. More monsters and protoplasmic fun for all.

7. Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds

Ah, George Perez. This was one of the last if not the last Final Crisis story to be finished up from DC but boy was it ever worth it. I believe Perez draws the best 2 page spreads in the business. Some of the battle scenes in this series as well as the creative panel-to-panel continuity continues to show that even though Perez is getting older and a little slower, he's still getting better. I missed this one in the local comic shop's hardcover blowout but I'll pay full price for it simply to read it all in one volume. Great story to introduce someone to the DC universe as Perez packs hundreds of characters in there. The image is shown slightly hugified because this is just a one-sheet ad for the series and so you can see it. It all looks like this and better. Insane!

6. Grimjack: The Manx Cat

We're going back to the 80's on this one. Tim Truman's dimension hopping, semi-immortal, reincarnated anti-hero has long been a favorite of mine since First Comics (long gone by now) started producing the series and it's great to see that Truman still has a place in heart for the scarred old fella. The story combines a touch of Moorcock, swords, science fiction, and a guy named Saint John of the Knives. Are those that know me well at all surprised?

Wolverine: Old Man Logan

I've ranted about how good this story was in previous posts but the double-sized conclusion really made this one worth the long wait in between the final two issues. Mix Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven, an apocalyptically shattered Marvel Universe, an infestation of gamma-irradiated inbred rednecks, and a reluctant human/mustelid/Canadian hybrid with Steve Mcniven and Mark Millar having a ball and you've got a real winner. Some of Mcniven's best work to date and the fate of the Red Skull really made my day.

4. Hulk

This one snuck up on me. When Jeph Loeb started on this one I got the feeling that he was kind of flailing in the dark trying to find his footing on the writing. Was it a serious restructuring of the Hulkiverse following World War Hulk (aka Conclusion of the Energy Splashes from hell) or was it a comedy book where Rulk (aka Red Hulk) punches out Uatu the Watcher and gets away with it (ridiculous). However, this book has grown on me throughout the year and every time I tried to drop it, Loeb would improve something that hooked me back in. I have to say that its become one of my looked forward to reads if only for the fact that I might see some more clone M.O.D.O.K.s getting their giant brains harvested while Rick Jones tries not to barf.

Astro City: The Dark Age

This book is far too overlooked by most people which is just fine by me. It makes me feel "leet." For my money the most original and consistently well-written non-Marvel/DC super hero book around. It has its own self-contained, separate universe and it is obviously a labor of love for Kurt Busiek, Brent E. Anderson, and Alex Ross(!). All of the character designs are by Ross and they have a way of just dropping new characters into the story so cleanly that it's a wonder that other companies with lots more people and street cred can't do it as well. I pick up the separate issues as they come out and the trades/hardcovers when they are produced as well as the one or two-issue specials they do in-between the major story arcs. You never know what era you might be seeing next in Astro City, but no matter where it is, you're sure to be get your four bucks worth of fun (and a real letters page too).

2. Green Lantern Corps/Blackest Night/Green Lantern

Surprise! It wasn't number one. For all the ranting about this series I've been doing over the last year or so, I'm sure you all thought that this would be my top pick and if it wasn't for one thing they did in the marketing and it being a super-giant crossover maxi-series (I've really had just about enough of 'em) you would be right. For my money this is the best book and the best big crossover DC has ever done since Crisis on Infinite Earths. All of the stories in the little books tie into the main books and you have the option of just reading Blackest Night, Blackest Night and the two Green Lantern titles, or the whole spectrum (Hah! A light joke. Ha-Ha! Another!) of one shots and mini series and you can still follow what's going on. The thing that knocked this down for me was that DC made the fatal error of revealing the big baddie for the series on the cover of a Diamond Comics Previews which I didn't read but which was sitting on a shelf at my local shop in plain view. A real misstep after keeping the secret under wraps for so long only to reveal it 2 months early (and no I won't spoil it even now). Even so, this book/series is tops and I really can't wait to see how it is all resolved with Geoff Johns at the helm.

And so we're here, my number one pick of 2009. I have to say that this is totally based on my month to month satisfaction with the entertainment my comics dollar is providing. This book has truly kept me looking forward to the next issue for the last twelve months and has taken what could have been a poorly handled gimmick book and has turned it into a monthly must-read. So, my top book for 2009 is:

1. Dark Avengers

At first the concept was ripe with potential for lame. Take a bunch of villains and messed up heroes in the aftermath of Marvel's Civil War/Secret Invasion and have them replace the Avengers who were on the lam from now top lawman Norman (Green Goblin for life) Osborn. However, veteran draftsman Mike Deodato and wunderkind scribe Brian Michael Bendis have managed to return the old school Marvel month to month excitement I felt as a kid in this book in a way I haven't seen in a long time. With tons of guest stars, straight up good times action and ridiculous, world-shattering threats, they continue to keep my running to the comic shop each month to see what happens next. I hear this book is ending soon and perhaps that's a good thing for it to go away at the top of its game in Bill Wattersonesque fashion. Get it, read it, and see what makes Marvel Comics great again.

That's it! My tops for the year 2009. Agree or disagree in the comments and write your own list if you don't like mine. There you go Fatty, how's that for a post? Continue to entertain me with your godless scientific ramblings and write something about comics yourself some time. And Ack x3, I probably would have sat on this until 2011, but the insult of Lord Chunkula telling me to get to work was too much to bear.

I AM A MASTER OF THE NERDIVERSE!

Eat it Thanos! The picture pretty much speaks for itself:

On the comic geek richter scale this is right up there with the eruption of Krakatoa. Read Green Lantern. It's cool and you get free power rings. That is all.

IN BLACKEST NIGHT - PART 1

Fittingly, as I'm bringing my blog posting back from the dead, I'll be talking about the DC Comics event that I've been raving about for most of the last year or so - Blackest Night. Rather than bore you with lots of wordiness I figure I'll let the pictures tell the tale as I give you some of my favorite moments from what is happening in Month 2 of this awesome comics crossover!

We'll start off with the linchpin book Blackest Night #2:



It's no secret that I think Aquaman is awesome. I've taken shit for it from all you fellow comics-reading geeks for years. However, I think even you can admit that making Aquaman a super-strong messed up zombie King of the Seven Seas was the key to making him even more awesome. No more faux metal hair, no more harpoon hand (was kinda dope how he got it though), no more Arthurian legend and magic water under the water stupidity, just gravebait Silver Age Aquaman on an undead giant seahorse!



Continuing on, something kinda nerdy but utterly cool also happened in this issue as we discover that the Black Lantern Rings cannot force Don Hall aka Dove of Hawk & Dove to "RISE!" because he is "at peace". Interesting, totally in character, and I think significant for future events. Keep an eye on this.



Jumping back to Zombie Aquaman, one of his main powers has always been to control sea life with his telepathic calls. So it's totally diesel that his undead summoning ability is to call forth all the dead and rotting sea life from the ocean floor to pimpslap his enemies (aka the heroes). Dope. Maybe a zombie Megaladon is in the works?



Changing books to Green Lantern #45, it seems that the only Orange Lantern Larfleeze is about to get dealt with by his own orange greed energy constructs as the corpses he collects to make them each get a Black Lantern ring and prepare to give him a Reservoir Dogs-style beatdown. Hope you've got a medical kit in that lantern muppet boy.



Over in Green Lantern Corps #39, the Lanterns on Oa have their hands full as a swarm of BL rings dive down into the crypt of Fallen Lanterns and bring back all of the dead goodies to rip hearts and seek flesh for the Black Lantern. They even brought back the little fly Green Lantern (I think his name is Bzzt - how adorable) to get unliving vengeance in the name of swatted insects everywhere. Crucial.



Blackest Night Batman #1, gives us the return of Dick Grayson's (the original Robin and now Batman) circus aerialist parents - The Flying Graysons. It works but it's definitely one of those "He's Batman, this is not gonna make him crap his pants." moments. Interesting and a good read/buy but lame reveal in my opinion. The mystery as to whether the real Batman is dead or not continues.



It's a well known fact that nothing happens in the DC universe that does not involve Superman in some way, so Blackest Night Superman #1 gives us some insight as to how the Man of Steel is handling all of this. He, Superboy, and Krypto get slapped around for most of the issue but the neatest thing is that since the Black Lanterns "see" where you fall on the emotional spectrum, it's unsurprising that Superman seems to encompass all emotions except for Greed and Compassion. Always have to be head of the class don't you Clarkie?



Finishing up, Blackest Night Titans #1 was a pleasant surprise. Not only was it drawn very well (like all the Blackest Night books so far) but it picked up on the Hawk and Dove storyline I mentioned earlier. Since the Black Lanterns couldn't get to Dove (which honestly would have been more terrifying since he was gentle in life), of course they brought back his war-like brother Hawk. Death has not made him any more pleasant as he tended toward ultra right-wing assholery most of the time.

All in all the Blackest Night series has more than fulfilled my expectations so far and DC really seems to be putting some good effort into making this an easy to read and fun story. If you like zombies, seeing DC heroes getting the crap kicked out of them by former good guys (with lots of unexpected heart rips), and really nice art, get it now or in the trades when it is inevitably available in 5 different versions. FLESH!

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #600

It's been quite a whiles since anything happened here. I've been busy and running around with not much time/gumption to write about comics. Reading them, sure. But writing about them hasn't been top priority. But I hear rumblings from the bullpen of slackers at TUN that some sweet posts are set to appear in the very near future. I look forward to seeing that a reality. I break the silence now!

This past week was an easy-peasy BoTS because Spiderman #600 ruled faces. The thing was a brick of a book containing easily a month's worth of story plus a pile of back 'em up shorts. And, Doc Ock finally made his post OMD appearance. The guy has been sneaking around off panel for a while now, but no more. He's a bit banged up and ready to die, but that just means he's now an irradiated creepy crawly mummy machine with mechanical tentacles. Snap. Oh and he has an army of mechanical spiders that end up taking over NYC. Classic, action packed, fun comic.

Romita Jr. on art, a Ross cover, a Romita Sr. cover, an FF appearance. Hell, this thing was dope. Plus there was a Stan Lee/ Marcos Martin short in there. Gah. This coming week has a lot to live up to...

COACH'S 10 MINUTE WORKOUT - FLASH REBIRTH #3

Time is short of late so Coach Cohen is back with a quick set of wind sprints this time out. I've been reading a lot of DC Comics lately because their books are shit-hot like lightning. They've got a good stable of writers and artists (like Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver in this case) which let them give the usual front runner Marvel Comics a reason to pant towards the finish line. Therefore, I'm pleased to be able to say that Flash Rebirth is shaping up to be a fun series to read and that Flash Rebirth 3 has been the best so far.

Flash Rebirth reintroduces the character who was perhaps the most holy of holy grail unreturnable from the dead characters in comicbookdom - Barry Allen aka The Flash. Barry Allen basically brought the Silver Age of comics kicking and screaming out of the darkness that was the 50's and paved the way for the classic costumed heroes of the 60's, 70's and beyond. He was killed saving the universe from the Anti-Monitor in Crisis on Infinite Earths and his sacrifice was so noble and unexpected that it seemed there was no way he would return. Besides, his protege Wally West (previously Kid Flash) took up the mantle for Barry with such aplomb that there was no reason for a comeback. Until now.

See, Grant Morrison's insane Final Crisis crossover series really shook up reality inside and outside of the DC universe. So it seems the time is ripe for big daddy Barry to run back into the limelight. So what makes this issue so good? Well first off, it settles the old chestnut - Who is faster, Superman or the Flash? When Superman tries to stop Barry from sacrificing himself again, and intimates that he's beaten The Flash in a couple races before then, Barry bitchslaps him with logical tricknology by telling him "Clark, those were for charity." before leaving him with a mouthful of Flash-flavored dust.

Second, is this guy - The Black Racer:

Created by the Titan-Who-Walked-Among-Men Jack Kirby for his New Gods series, the Black Racer was the personification of Death and was a New God who even Darkseid respected since, eventually, even he would fall before him.

Well, during Final Crisis, Barry/Flash outraced a Grant Morrison fever-dream version of the Black Racer, and now, it seems he's become this:

The Black Flash - death to all the Speedsters in the DC universe as he consumes their "Speed Force" and turns them into burnt out crispy critters. Is this related to the Black Racer at all? Who knows? Grant Morrison is crazy as a bag of monkey nuts and his stories rarely make sense (and I like Final Crisis and his writing), but it's badass all the same. All in all, a good read and a fun ride. Or is that run?

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #595

Despite laughing several times out loud while reading the bonus Fable book, The Literals, Spiderman #595 takes my pick for best read. This issue was jammed with stuff, mostly involving the broken-ass Osborn family.

Harry is trying a new attitude and outlook on life. Carefree and fun, he finally sticks it to his deranged pops. But, as always, anyone flying high and feelin' good in a Spidey book has to eat some shit. So, Menace/Lily/Harry's Ex-Girlfirend shows up in Menace form, reverts to good the lookin' Lily form and reveals that she is way preggers. Harry caves, renegs on his "Fuck you Dad!" speech, and takes up the offer to work for the Dark Avengers and presumably become the next Captain America type dude on Osborn's Avengers/Thunderbolts in disguise. (Despite the fact that the embryo is bound to be banged up from all the Green Goblin chemicals and stuff)

Where's Spiderman you ask? He shows up at the end and beats the sweet bejesus out of Norman Osborn. I'm not sure how Norman lives after being hurled through concrete, a window, and taking a few blows from a dude who can practically lift cars over his head - but it looked good on the page. Eveyone's been wanting to see Norman eat some fist for a while now. It's like that one Thor issue where he belts Iron Man a few miles with Mjolnir. Anyways, it looked like Spiderman just might actually kill the bastard, thanks to a pep talk from Wolverine (because he is in every damn book made nowadays), but...ya know he pusses out. Still, fun stuff, and this is only part 1 of 5 I believe.

COACH'S STAR PLAYER PICK - WOLVERINE #72

Now I've been having mixed feelings with Marvel Comics of late with their recent money-grabbing price rise on their most popular books and sporadic fill-in style quality on some others. However, the Wolverine: Old Man Logan storyline by the Hulk-level heavyweight team of Steve Mcniven, Mark Millar, Dexter Vines, and Morry Hollowell has gotten better and better with each successive issue.

Mcniven's art just keeps getting more polished. He rose to people's attention with his standout work on Marvel Knights and hit it out of the park with the main Civil War book. Old Man Logan is probably his best work to date. The storyline loosely follows the plot of one of my favorite balls-out, hard-ass Clint Eastwood westerns, Unforgiven. Set in an alternate future after the villains have all but wiped out super-powered heroes Logan aka Wolverine has given up his seemingly inexhaustible potential for violence in return for eking out a subsistence farm living with his wife and two kids in a burnt out cinder of California desert. All the while he is harassed by Bruce Banner's inbred, Hulked-out relatives who demand the "rent" and threaten to tear down Logan's life before his eyes. What follows is a cross-country quest for cash romp which features (in no particular order) the Spidermobile, Hank Pym's skeleton (now an expressway), a Venom-infected Tyrannosaurus Rex, Black Bolt, Moloids, and much more!!!


This issue starts out with President Red Skull standing over and gouging the eyes out Blade Runner-style of a banged up and weeping Captain America (presumably Bucky by the uniform, flesh left arm, and brown eyes but who knows at this point). That Nazi fuck thinks he's got all the cards until he eventually decides to gloat over a shot-up Logan and poor old dead, blind Hawkeye's corpses in his "trophy room" (Reed Richards is skinned and stretched on one of the walls like a flag - dope!).


Of course Logan's inevitable healing factor kicks in and Red Skull tries to give our favorite Canadian scrapper a final beat down with Black Knight's magical sword. Unfortunately for him, he gets his fascist ass handed to him in truly fine fashion with no less than Captain America's indestructible shield to the trachea. USA! USA!


The issue ends with Logan flying all the way back across the country in Iron Man's old armor and showing up to pay the Hulk gang two weeks early only to be told "They got bored." I'll let you decide what's going to happen next from the picture below:


Win! Win! Win! A great story, with tons of cool little nods to the fan boys, connection to Wolverine's origin in Hulk #181, and all ending up in a previously unannounced Double-Sized special which will probably cost $8.00 by the time it's done. I don't care. I'm there. Go get-em you hairy old Canuck bastard!