I AM A MASTER OF THE NERDIVERSE!

Eat it Thanos! The picture pretty much speaks for itself:

On the comic geek richter scale this is right up there with the eruption of Krakatoa. Read Green Lantern. It's cool and you get free power rings. That is all.

IN BLACKEST NIGHT - PART 1

Fittingly, as I'm bringing my blog posting back from the dead, I'll be talking about the DC Comics event that I've been raving about for most of the last year or so - Blackest Night. Rather than bore you with lots of wordiness I figure I'll let the pictures tell the tale as I give you some of my favorite moments from what is happening in Month 2 of this awesome comics crossover!

We'll start off with the linchpin book Blackest Night #2:



It's no secret that I think Aquaman is awesome. I've taken shit for it from all you fellow comics-reading geeks for years. However, I think even you can admit that making Aquaman a super-strong messed up zombie King of the Seven Seas was the key to making him even more awesome. No more faux metal hair, no more harpoon hand (was kinda dope how he got it though), no more Arthurian legend and magic water under the water stupidity, just gravebait Silver Age Aquaman on an undead giant seahorse!



Continuing on, something kinda nerdy but utterly cool also happened in this issue as we discover that the Black Lantern Rings cannot force Don Hall aka Dove of Hawk & Dove to "RISE!" because he is "at peace". Interesting, totally in character, and I think significant for future events. Keep an eye on this.



Jumping back to Zombie Aquaman, one of his main powers has always been to control sea life with his telepathic calls. So it's totally diesel that his undead summoning ability is to call forth all the dead and rotting sea life from the ocean floor to pimpslap his enemies (aka the heroes). Dope. Maybe a zombie Megaladon is in the works?



Changing books to Green Lantern #45, it seems that the only Orange Lantern Larfleeze is about to get dealt with by his own orange greed energy constructs as the corpses he collects to make them each get a Black Lantern ring and prepare to give him a Reservoir Dogs-style beatdown. Hope you've got a medical kit in that lantern muppet boy.



Over in Green Lantern Corps #39, the Lanterns on Oa have their hands full as a swarm of BL rings dive down into the crypt of Fallen Lanterns and bring back all of the dead goodies to rip hearts and seek flesh for the Black Lantern. They even brought back the little fly Green Lantern (I think his name is Bzzt - how adorable) to get unliving vengeance in the name of swatted insects everywhere. Crucial.



Blackest Night Batman #1, gives us the return of Dick Grayson's (the original Robin and now Batman) circus aerialist parents - The Flying Graysons. It works but it's definitely one of those "He's Batman, this is not gonna make him crap his pants." moments. Interesting and a good read/buy but lame reveal in my opinion. The mystery as to whether the real Batman is dead or not continues.



It's a well known fact that nothing happens in the DC universe that does not involve Superman in some way, so Blackest Night Superman #1 gives us some insight as to how the Man of Steel is handling all of this. He, Superboy, and Krypto get slapped around for most of the issue but the neatest thing is that since the Black Lanterns "see" where you fall on the emotional spectrum, it's unsurprising that Superman seems to encompass all emotions except for Greed and Compassion. Always have to be head of the class don't you Clarkie?



Finishing up, Blackest Night Titans #1 was a pleasant surprise. Not only was it drawn very well (like all the Blackest Night books so far) but it picked up on the Hawk and Dove storyline I mentioned earlier. Since the Black Lanterns couldn't get to Dove (which honestly would have been more terrifying since he was gentle in life), of course they brought back his war-like brother Hawk. Death has not made him any more pleasant as he tended toward ultra right-wing assholery most of the time.

All in all the Blackest Night series has more than fulfilled my expectations so far and DC really seems to be putting some good effort into making this an easy to read and fun story. If you like zombies, seeing DC heroes getting the crap kicked out of them by former good guys (with lots of unexpected heart rips), and really nice art, get it now or in the trades when it is inevitably available in 5 different versions. FLESH!

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #600

It's been quite a whiles since anything happened here. I've been busy and running around with not much time/gumption to write about comics. Reading them, sure. But writing about them hasn't been top priority. But I hear rumblings from the bullpen of slackers at TUN that some sweet posts are set to appear in the very near future. I look forward to seeing that a reality. I break the silence now!

This past week was an easy-peasy BoTS because Spiderman #600 ruled faces. The thing was a brick of a book containing easily a month's worth of story plus a pile of back 'em up shorts. And, Doc Ock finally made his post OMD appearance. The guy has been sneaking around off panel for a while now, but no more. He's a bit banged up and ready to die, but that just means he's now an irradiated creepy crawly mummy machine with mechanical tentacles. Snap. Oh and he has an army of mechanical spiders that end up taking over NYC. Classic, action packed, fun comic.

Romita Jr. on art, a Ross cover, a Romita Sr. cover, an FF appearance. Hell, this thing was dope. Plus there was a Stan Lee/ Marcos Martin short in there. Gah. This coming week has a lot to live up to...

COACH'S 10 MINUTE WORKOUT - FLASH REBIRTH #3

Time is short of late so Coach Cohen is back with a quick set of wind sprints this time out. I've been reading a lot of DC Comics lately because their books are shit-hot like lightning. They've got a good stable of writers and artists (like Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver in this case) which let them give the usual front runner Marvel Comics a reason to pant towards the finish line. Therefore, I'm pleased to be able to say that Flash Rebirth is shaping up to be a fun series to read and that Flash Rebirth 3 has been the best so far.

Flash Rebirth reintroduces the character who was perhaps the most holy of holy grail unreturnable from the dead characters in comicbookdom - Barry Allen aka The Flash. Barry Allen basically brought the Silver Age of comics kicking and screaming out of the darkness that was the 50's and paved the way for the classic costumed heroes of the 60's, 70's and beyond. He was killed saving the universe from the Anti-Monitor in Crisis on Infinite Earths and his sacrifice was so noble and unexpected that it seemed there was no way he would return. Besides, his protege Wally West (previously Kid Flash) took up the mantle for Barry with such aplomb that there was no reason for a comeback. Until now.

See, Grant Morrison's insane Final Crisis crossover series really shook up reality inside and outside of the DC universe. So it seems the time is ripe for big daddy Barry to run back into the limelight. So what makes this issue so good? Well first off, it settles the old chestnut - Who is faster, Superman or the Flash? When Superman tries to stop Barry from sacrificing himself again, and intimates that he's beaten The Flash in a couple races before then, Barry bitchslaps him with logical tricknology by telling him "Clark, those were for charity." before leaving him with a mouthful of Flash-flavored dust.

Second, is this guy - The Black Racer:

Created by the Titan-Who-Walked-Among-Men Jack Kirby for his New Gods series, the Black Racer was the personification of Death and was a New God who even Darkseid respected since, eventually, even he would fall before him.

Well, during Final Crisis, Barry/Flash outraced a Grant Morrison fever-dream version of the Black Racer, and now, it seems he's become this:

The Black Flash - death to all the Speedsters in the DC universe as he consumes their "Speed Force" and turns them into burnt out crispy critters. Is this related to the Black Racer at all? Who knows? Grant Morrison is crazy as a bag of monkey nuts and his stories rarely make sense (and I like Final Crisis and his writing), but it's badass all the same. All in all, a good read and a fun ride. Or is that run?

BEST OF THE STACK - SPIDERMAN #595

Despite laughing several times out loud while reading the bonus Fable book, The Literals, Spiderman #595 takes my pick for best read. This issue was jammed with stuff, mostly involving the broken-ass Osborn family.

Harry is trying a new attitude and outlook on life. Carefree and fun, he finally sticks it to his deranged pops. But, as always, anyone flying high and feelin' good in a Spidey book has to eat some shit. So, Menace/Lily/Harry's Ex-Girlfirend shows up in Menace form, reverts to good the lookin' Lily form and reveals that she is way preggers. Harry caves, renegs on his "Fuck you Dad!" speech, and takes up the offer to work for the Dark Avengers and presumably become the next Captain America type dude on Osborn's Avengers/Thunderbolts in disguise. (Despite the fact that the embryo is bound to be banged up from all the Green Goblin chemicals and stuff)

Where's Spiderman you ask? He shows up at the end and beats the sweet bejesus out of Norman Osborn. I'm not sure how Norman lives after being hurled through concrete, a window, and taking a few blows from a dude who can practically lift cars over his head - but it looked good on the page. Eveyone's been wanting to see Norman eat some fist for a while now. It's like that one Thor issue where he belts Iron Man a few miles with Mjolnir. Anyways, it looked like Spiderman just might actually kill the bastard, thanks to a pep talk from Wolverine (because he is in every damn book made nowadays), but...ya know he pusses out. Still, fun stuff, and this is only part 1 of 5 I believe.

COACH'S STAR PLAYER PICK - WOLVERINE #72

Now I've been having mixed feelings with Marvel Comics of late with their recent money-grabbing price rise on their most popular books and sporadic fill-in style quality on some others. However, the Wolverine: Old Man Logan storyline by the Hulk-level heavyweight team of Steve Mcniven, Mark Millar, Dexter Vines, and Morry Hollowell has gotten better and better with each successive issue.

Mcniven's art just keeps getting more polished. He rose to people's attention with his standout work on Marvel Knights and hit it out of the park with the main Civil War book. Old Man Logan is probably his best work to date. The storyline loosely follows the plot of one of my favorite balls-out, hard-ass Clint Eastwood westerns, Unforgiven. Set in an alternate future after the villains have all but wiped out super-powered heroes Logan aka Wolverine has given up his seemingly inexhaustible potential for violence in return for eking out a subsistence farm living with his wife and two kids in a burnt out cinder of California desert. All the while he is harassed by Bruce Banner's inbred, Hulked-out relatives who demand the "rent" and threaten to tear down Logan's life before his eyes. What follows is a cross-country quest for cash romp which features (in no particular order) the Spidermobile, Hank Pym's skeleton (now an expressway), a Venom-infected Tyrannosaurus Rex, Black Bolt, Moloids, and much more!!!


This issue starts out with President Red Skull standing over and gouging the eyes out Blade Runner-style of a banged up and weeping Captain America (presumably Bucky by the uniform, flesh left arm, and brown eyes but who knows at this point). That Nazi fuck thinks he's got all the cards until he eventually decides to gloat over a shot-up Logan and poor old dead, blind Hawkeye's corpses in his "trophy room" (Reed Richards is skinned and stretched on one of the walls like a flag - dope!).


Of course Logan's inevitable healing factor kicks in and Red Skull tries to give our favorite Canadian scrapper a final beat down with Black Knight's magical sword. Unfortunately for him, he gets his fascist ass handed to him in truly fine fashion with no less than Captain America's indestructible shield to the trachea. USA! USA!


The issue ends with Logan flying all the way back across the country in Iron Man's old armor and showing up to pay the Hulk gang two weeks early only to be told "They got bored." I'll let you decide what's going to happen next from the picture below:


Win! Win! Win! A great story, with tons of cool little nods to the fan boys, connection to Wolverine's origin in Hulk #181, and all ending up in a previously unannounced Double-Sized special which will probably cost $8.00 by the time it's done. I don't care. I'm there. Go get-em you hairy old Canuck bastard!

COACH'S WEEKLY WIN - CAPTAIN AMERICA #50

That's right, after a brief hiatus and a variety of trips Coach Cohen has returned to shout his comic book opinions at the internet with the veins bulging in his forehead and his whistle/keys jangling around his neck! This week, I'm choosing a character who is near and dear to my heart and whose book has been a standout performer in the Marvel stable for a number of years now, Captain America #50.

Scribed by Ed Brubaker and drawn by the excellent Steve Epting and a rotating stable of fill-in artists (Luke Ross and Rick Magyar take on the penciling and inking duties for the main story in this double-sized issue), the uniform of Cap is currently filled by his old partner from Dubya Dubya Deuce, James Buchanan Barnes aka Bucky aka The Winter Soldier. You see (Spoiler Warning - if you've been absent from comics for the last two years and live in a news free box) Steve Rogers got himself capped (pun intended) 25 issues ago right after the Marvel Civil War and Bucky was given the uniform and indestructible adamantium-vibranium alloy shield by then head honcho of S.H.I.E.L.D. Iron Man. Bucky has since struggled with carrying the mantle of his former partner and best friend and this issue does a good job portraying a very special day in the life of the current Captain America.

Now, when I first heard that they were bringing Bucky back for this story, I was totally against it. Bucky was one of those Holy Grail characters who was cool because Marvel refused to bring him back from the dead. However, I have to say Ed Brubaker has knocked this book out of the friggin' park and it is consistently one of the best if not the very best read that Marvel currently has to offer in their collection of classic Golden/Silver Age characters. It is consistently full of win on a monthly basis.

Also, Bucky is a badass. He has a Soviet bionic left arm, carries a pistol and commando dagger (both of which he uses - BLAMM! flying bizatch), and unlike Steve Rogers, who was enhanced from a weakling to the peak of human performance by the Super Soldier Serum, Bucky is a born fighter and scrapper who spent his entire childhood on military bases. This issue reveals that he was sent off to train with the British Special Operations Group at age 16 after a birthday bar fight with two Navy boys and an MP. Crucial.

Finally, this issue has an excellent 50th issue anniversary backup by Marcos Martin who has a very Tim Sale style to his pencils (probably not a coincidence since Sale's Captain America: White series is coming up) and a cool Fred Hembeck comedy piece to finish things off. As I said, full of win.

So if you're looking for a good read with great characters, quality artwork, and really standout writing, take Coach's advice and pick up Captain America #50. Now hit the showers!!!

BEST OF THE STACK - BPRD THE BLACK GODDESS #5

I'm a little behind from last week, and have yet to nab this week's pile. Lot's going on. But not as much as the events within BPRD The Black Goddess #5. There's been massive conflict going down in the past 2 issues what with flame dragons, nasty frog legions, and the creepy underground critters and their martian walker-like machines all going at each other at once.

After lots of talking to Gilfryd by the BPRD team about how Liz and himself are the only way to save humanity and blah blah blah, our man of action Johann finally shows up after shankin' some dude, then busts in to the inner chambers where Liz is being held, and starts blastin' ol' Gilfryd. Of course this doesn't work very well, seeing as Abe tried that nonsense a few moments earlier. But Johann has of late been a bit impulsive and loosey-goosey. And maybe now we know why.

Johann at least tried to do something. The rest of them were trying he old talk 'em to death route. Anyways, he was rewarded with a Jedi-like force pummeling, that cracked his bubble suit. Which is trouble for our ecoplasmic buddy. But a panel or so later, it appears that he finds a way to keep on truckin' - in the shoes of Lobster Johnson. Though the name is ridicuous, Lobster Johnson is awesome. But only Hellboy knows about him for the most part. (Abe did some research, but that's about it. I think.) So, I couldn't be happier and more eager to see where this final arc goes. However there's lots of filler issues coming up and I think the next arc doesn't begin for awhiles. Oh well.

LEAST CRAPPY OF THE STACK - DEADPOOL #10

Deadpool is an idiot.

He fills a void left by the folks I used to work with day in and day out. I now get my dose of stupid from this book. Though I doubt I'll stay on long after any Dark Reign tie-in action is over. It's the only reason I picked it up in the 1st place to be truthful. His adventures with the Thunderbolts recently have been amusing to be sure. It also outlines what a sorry bunch of sad sacks they are now.

So, after making the Thunderbolts look stupid, Norman Osborn sends in Bullseye to kill what basically can't be killed. I mean they loped off Deadpool's friggin' head in the last issue.

Anywho, Bullseye is dressed as Hawkeye becasue of the whole Dark Avengers thing and hilarity ensues in 20 something pages. Besmirch is put to good use (as you can see from these shoddy pictured panels), Deadpool shoots a pizza delivery dude in the face or being a douche bag in High School, and the action sequences are well paneled and written for maximum funny/ridiculousness.

In the end Deadpool gets an arrow through his head due to his brash nature. Yeah, that'll stop the retard from talking for about 4 minutes at best.

This week was kinda slow for me as most tiles were sorta ho-hum. As such, I deem this the Least Crappy Of The Stack. Something Deadpool would probably endorse.

WHY DO I KEEP BUYING THIS JUNK? - MARVEL ZOMBIES 4

It took awhile, but I've finally looked at the whole Marvel Zombies thing and asked "Why?". The 1st series was neato bandito. Of course that was the one title my comic dude DIDN'T put in my sub box ( I generally picked up anything zombie or horror previously and was onboard Walking Dead from day one) and Marvel Zombies #1 remains the only damn issue I need the 1st printing of. But, I don't want to shell out 30 bucks for that privilege.

The second series was off the wall weird, but at least it was still funny. Zombies with the Power Cosmic is funny damn it. 3rd time around, yeah, getting assy. Didn't really care about machine man or whoever the fuck dude was. Jocasta neither.

Now, we're up to Marvel Zombies 4. Lame ass Son of Satan is in the hizzouse! Gah. There was some promise as they introduced zombie fishmen, but now they all blew up and now Morbius has an oxygen gun that explodes things infected with the virus and Z-list goons abound. Ugh. Did I mention Son of Satan? Oh, and since the Hood isn't in enough titles (I still like the guy) just yet, he shows up. Deadpool's here too. Or at least just his head. Jeeze. And where the hell is Man-Thing? I want Man-Thing damn it.

Though Deadpool marks the only moments I've enjoyed thus far. As you can see in the panel above, he is kept in a cage until 2 geniuses decide to set him free. I think the one guy is a dead damn ringer for Dale from The Walking Dead. If not, his hat, face, and baggy eyes are too close for comfort. Coincidence? Who cares. I'm getting off this train while the gettin's good.