FAIL OF THE WEEK - THE END LEAGUE #7

It's the end of The End League for me. Oh, how witty.

From such heights to such crap. Rick Remender has my neverending respect for the creation of Fear Agent as well as his recent work on The Punisher. The 1st issue or so of The End League was very cool too. Interesting takes on charactrs and a bleak universe where the heroes are outnumbered by villains. Sweet. But, The End League has now all gone to hell. The artist changed a few issue back to the dude who did Aeon Flux back in the day, Eric Canete. Not a horrible thing, but he's just not doing it for me here. I actually listened to an interview with him a month or so back and I admire his stance on art and the how things get done. He's all about deadlines and respecting them.

Art aside, the story is straight up retarded bonkers times infinity. It started out simple enough - get this hammer and smash this dude - then veered into crazyland. Then there's the issue of about 20 too many characters running around. This can be nice on one hand because characters often get eviscerated, but overall it just sucks. I end up not caring. And bi-montly isn't helping in any way. This thing is going nowhere fast. Such neato promise for a darker kind of superhero book done by a company that isn't Marvel or DC. Oh well. I'm done with this sucker officially.

BEST OF THE STACK - PUNISHER #3

Punisher continues to hit all the high marks of fun in a comic for me. People get shot in the face, there's Fugazi/Black Flag references everywhere, the new microchip dude's name is Henry (a further 80s hardcore nod), insane karate dudes steal eyes, Punisher gets shot and beat to shit, lot's of action each issue, and there was a giant vat full of body parts which exploded. I'm down. Looks like good times for Punisher fans in the Marvel U.

There are some parallels to Fear Agent here and there though that may expose some weakness in Remender's creative writing abilities. Frank and Heath Huston are kinda similar in that they're both unshaven loners. They are both generally out for themselves, leaving others crippled in their wake as they attempt to always uphold their mission. Basically they seem to fuck things up more than fix them and people die because of their single minded focus. But, Frank doesn't have a jetpack. Yet.

I'm still totally into both titles though. I care not!

yeah yeah yeah... Wow!

yeah yeah yeah... WOW!

Once you watch, you'll be singing "yeah yeah yeah... wow!" as well.

Get ready to hold onto your seats true believers for Spider-man has returned to save us from the vile clutches of Professor Monster and the evil Iron Cross Army.

What? you don't know who the dastardly Professor Monster is? He's only been trying to destroy Spider-man for 400 years, that's who!

Professor Monster and his... friend, yeah, his friend, that's it.

Oh, I understand, you thought Spider-man was that Peter Parker kid. NO! Spider-man is Takuya Yamashiro, a motorcycle racer who becomes Spider-man after an encounter with Garia, Professor Monster's mortal enemy. Along with inheriting the Spider-man power, Takuya also gets the combat spaceship Marveller, a superfast, flying car, the GP7, and of course, his very own trusty robot - Leopardon!

Change Leopardon!!

Spider-man, along with Leopardon, will defend us all from the Iron Cross army, who look like a lot of guys in grey sweatpants wearing orange duckbill masks.

Diabolically dangerous and demented ninja ducks!

If your mind hasn't been blown to bits by the awesomeness, here's the skinny.

In 1978, Marvel made a deal where Toei of Japan could produce a Spider-man television show. It ran for 41 episodes. Recently the complete series was released in Japan on DVD. Now, are you ready? Marvel is releasing one episode a week on their website. The episodes have been subtitled and now you too can follow the exploits of Spider-man and the amazing Leopardon.

Episode 1:
The Time of Revenge Has Come! Beat Down Iron Cross Group!!

Episode 2:
Mysterious World! The Man Lives to Fate

Episode 3:
Mysterious Thief 001 VS. Spider-Man

Episode 4 will be available March 26th.

yay! (yeah, i've no idea what's going on here, but feel the love!)

JAMES JEAN'S FABLES RUN AND WHY HE RULES

James Jean has bid the Fables cover art realm goodbye with issue #81. This guy has straight up produced stunning artwork for the past bunch of years. He helps bump comicdom up a notch in the eyes of critics. Seriously, he can't be touched. Not only is his style super badass, but his compositions are extremely varied and mind-blowing. He is simply amazing.

I'm completely convinced, COMPLETELY, that if Mr. Jean hadn't done the covers for the initial run of Umbrella Academy and the Free Comic Book Day issue, that the series would have died outright. I know I was drawn to it immediately by the cover, but turned off by the interior art and especially the association of Gerard Way (go ahead, google his name and tell me you can hand money to that guy) and My Chemical Romance. (Ugh)

The new cover artist for Fables is one Jao Ruas, and from what I've seen (minus Fables 82) he has the chops to produce equally quirky art for the series. He's got a bright color palette that'll help Fables continue to visually jump off the rack at your local store. But, he's got a tough road ahead in the eyes of Fables fans!

I've slapped a gallery of covers I scrounged off the internets in the box above for ya to check out. If you gots time, then hit:

http://www.jamesjean.com/

And check out his weirdo website. If you click images, new ones appear. Lots of neat shots of his studio and finished paintings on the actual canvas.

RIDICUL-O-PANEL OF LAFF (ROPOL)

This ROPOL comes to us from within War of Kings #1. Heck you don't even have to buy the issue to enjoy this one because it's in the freebie preview online and in most related books. Ronan the Accuser, Kree super badass, gets bummed out by Crystal, the top slut of the Marvel Universe, and tosses his pretty flowers aside. Because he was eavesdropping in the garden. Wow.

Here's a wiki quote that sums it up:

"To bring their two races closer together, Ronan and Crystal's marriage proceeds. However, Crystal saw the marriage as a political affair, which Ronan overheard, having brought flowers."

BEST OF THE STACK - BPRD BLACK GODDESS #3

BPRD continues to deliver the supernatural funtimes I crave. In this issue we were finally treated to the background of creepy ol' Martin Gilfryd. He's some sorta goon that is supposed to be able to "tame fire to breed dragons." Or something that involves Liz. Some heavy duty consequences are bound to occur from these issues. Maybe even to the point that Hellboy gets involved once more? Here's to hoping.

Anyways, Yeti, frogs, underground critters, cultists, dragons, tanks, fishmen, giant walker beasts - all that shit comes outta the woodwork to do battle in the mountains. Guy Davis continues to deliver in his trademark style. That dude is 100% on the ball AND he's supposed to be working on his Marquis stuff again for this coming Fall. I am waaaaaaaaaay excited to see that stuff in print again.

So yeah, hooray BPRD.

COACH'S STAR PLAYER OF THE WEEK - IRON FIST #23

When Duane Swierczynski took over this book, he had some big shoes to fill as it had been previously written by the amazing team of Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction. I must admit, his first story arc, while technically well-done, left me a little dry. However this latest storyline - Escape from the Eighth City has started off with a bang!

If you don't know, Iron Fist is about billionaire kung-fu master Danny Rand who (among other things) has the ability to channel his Chi into his fist to make it "like unto a thing of iron" (truly one of the best schticks in comics). This latest incarnation of this book has revealed that he is just one in a long line of Iron Fists and that he is one of the Immortal Weapons (cue cheesy Shaw Bros. music) who fight for the glory of their otherworldly home city, K'un-Lun. Hence the title (abbreviated above): The Immortal Iron Fist.

In this issue the Immortal Weapons (Tiger's Beautiful Daughter, Dog Brother #1, etc...) have been trapped in the ancient and forbidden eighth city (!) where all the other seven heavenly cities have been dumping demons, criminals, and any undesirables who they wanted to do away with. Needless to say, since the previous incarnations of the Immortal Weapons did the dumping, the occupants of the city are less than welcoming when this new batch shows up through the somewhat inconvenient one-way portal. Therefore, their ruler Changming, decrees that they will fight non-stop against all comers in the arena and that their only rest will be while one of the other Immortal Weapons is fighting.

What follows throughout the story is a rollicking, rolling good time which is part Big Trouble in Little China, part The Great Escape, and part mixed martial arts competition. I have to say my favorite part of the issue occurs when Iron Fist is put up against a little whirly-gig type creature that doubles in size everytime it is hit. Iron Fist's method for dispatching this creepily drawn critter takes a few pages right from Fist of the Northstar and is a blast to read. The artwork is quirky but well suited to the story material throughout and some of the creatures exiled to the hell city are downright disturbing.

I won't ruin it, but the twist ending is also pretty nifty and will leave long-time Iron Fist fans wondering how much of this story is true and how much is a trick by the villainous Changming. So if you have even a passing interest in Chinese mythology, crappy kung-fu movies, or just good comics, check out The Immortal Iron Fist.

It will hit you like a Poison Clan (rocks the world!) cyclone-cutting kick to the neck and leave you begging for the Sand Palm finisher until next issue!

LETDOWN OF THE WEEK - FABLES #82

This issue wasn't exactly fail level material, but nothing I picked up this week really fits into that category. Which is a good thing! So, I invented the Letdown category. Because I can!

Fables 82 features an artist change-up both on the cover and interior. This made for some minor shock and adjustment in my brain. I knew James Jean was history in terms of covers, which is a total bummer. (more on this later this week) We've been blessed with pretty much the best regular cover artist in the biz for quite some time now. The new guy Jao Ruas has some ridiculously large shoes to fill.

But, the interior art was bummerville. Fill-in artist David Hahn is competent and gets the job done. But this at the cost of the super cool and interesting panel layouts that Buckingham usually provides. Plus this guy was wee bit too anime-ish for my tastes. But it's temporary. Seems kinda lame to wrap up Boy Blue's death with a filler artist though.

However, I guess this filler issue was necessary given the upcoming "Great Fables Crossover" deal where Fables, Jack of Fables, and The Literals (some new thing) finally interact with one another. That's nine Fables titles in 3 months! I'm pretty stoked on this as Jack of Fables has begun to get a little iffy in spots out there on his own. He needs to get back with his peeps and start some shit there.

BEST OF THE STACK - THE GOON #32

I'm gonna have to say that for the past couple issues (4-ish) during "Goon Year", this series has taken a serious nosedive. The most obvious drop in quality was that he art was getting really sloppy, rushed, and sparse. Backgrounds were mostly white, brushstrokes were overlapping the word balloons, and details were going by the wayside. Perhaps this was just a symptom of fulfilling a full 12 issue run on a creator written/drawn/inked book, producing a full length graphic novel, as well as attending the multitude of cons in a given year. That's a good bit of work and it seems Powell stretched himself too thin. I dunno.

All I do know is that The Goon was starting to suck pretty hard and looked to be slooooowly circling the drain. The story was spinning it's wheels, nothing was funny anymore, the tone got serious, Spider didn't show up as much, girl stuff intruded, and the new monsters were kinda iffy. The attempt at a larger story arc was failing. What endeared me to the goon in the 1st place were the insane villains and one off battles. The newer back and forth battles with the wicker dude just wasn't doing it. I figured Mr. Powell simply burned out. It has been a long run. Perhaps he would go the Mignola route and produce cool covers for stuff. But that thought seemed like sacrilege.

The Goon #32 nukes all these pessimistic thoughts. The art is top notch and full of rich, strange colors once more. Background are back. There's an awesome Hobo King to kick the hell out of. Funny stuff happens. There's a Rape Bear. I can forgive the weird breaking of the barrier with the whole Powell and Morgan Freeman conversation, as he used to do this all the time early on with goofy ads. When this brief bit passes, it's just old tyme Goon action once more. So, here's to hoping it keeps up.

Plus there is a really nice set of sketches by fellow artists and a great retrospective on how The Goon came to be. Some of the early Goon sketches look a whole lot like Bigby Wolf. Like exactly. So, maybe Willingham and Sturges have some explaining to do...

And as for the future, it looks like Mr. Powell is gonna take a swing at drawing goofy fun stuff for kids. A project named "Chimichanga!" is about a bearded girl and her adventures or something. To do this he's reviving the Albatross Exploding Funny Books label. As cool as this is, I hope The Goon will not take a backseat in he quality department.

WHO WATCHED THE WATCHMEN? - I DID

If you are a comic fan worth your salt, you’re going to see the Watchmen movie regardless of what anyone says about it – you’re all stubborn bastards that just have to see it for yourselves. Fear not comic fans, if you’ve read the graphic novel (get off this site if you haven’t) there are no spoilers to be had in this review. (ok, not many)

You might love it and you might hate it, but one thing you won’t be able to say is that the Watchmen movie was not true to the Alan Moore graphic novel… at least, the words and pictures part of it. Unfortunately, this is my big problem with the movie; it is so true to the text and imagery of Mr. Moore’s comic masterpiece that I found it incredibly boring to watch! I knew every line and every action before they happened. Watchmen’s director Zack Snider was really in a no-win situation from the start. If he got all “visionary” with Watchmen, the rabid comic nerds would rip him a new one. Staying ultra-true to the comic’s iconography and dialog was probably a more dangerous choice. From the silent audience and blank stares, I’m not sure many muggles (non-comic peeps) understood a large portion of the movie. To boot, comic fans can almost never be appeased with a portion saying it was not true enough to the Gospel of Alan and others like myself that know the story so well it was tedious to behold.

Want a copy of the Watchmen movie script? Grab your worn copy of the trade paperback and tear out about 20% of the pages. What you will have left is literally the line-for-line dialog of this movie. Two days before going to see Watchmen, I regrettably managed to find time to re-read Watchemen #1-4. It was spooky how few lines were added or altered. If this is how adaptations work, sign me up, I’ve got scripts for almost every DC and Marvel character ready to go…

There were some things I liked. Plot-wise, the changed ending was fine as I think the original ending would have broken the minds of the audience. In addition, the opening credits did a great job of presenting a lot of character bios in very little time and space. I also liked the shameless Silk Spectre II costume and I look forward to seeing many homemade copies of it at GenCon this year.

All in all, the acting was pretty weak – maybe because there was no opportunity to improvise, or maybe because the actors just aren’t very good. None of them did enough to make me empathize with their plight except maybe Rorschach.

Malin Akerman (Laurie Jupiter / Silk Spectre II) Drop the smoking, 10 years, the bitchiness, and add a black & yellow latex costume and you have a Silk Spectre updated for today’s man-boy. Malin is a pretty bad actress but not too hard on the eyes. They say she is Canadian (by way of Sweden) so she must have some redeeming qualities.

Matthew Goode (Adrian Veidt / Ozymandias) Mathew Goode was not. He made Malin look like a knighted Shakespearian actor. Line! He looked like Ozymandias, but, I’m sorry, it takes more…

Patrick Wilson (Dan Dreiberg / Nite Owl II) The fellow who played Nite Owl did a satisfactory job, but I think his mad skills were hampered by Zach’s over-zealous following of the Moore Bible. Very little emotion came through, and, frankly, I didn’t care if he lived or died.

Haley Joel Osmond (Walter Kovacs / Rorschach) Actually played by Jackie Earle Haley, Rorschach is the only character that is of any interest. Almost all of his lines are straight from the comic, but at least he is entertaining. One thing I didn’t about his portrayal , is that the moviemakers did a poor job highlighting his ultra right-wing personality. Sure, the lines were there, but they were easily missed if you were not looking for them.

Billy Crudup (Dr. Manhattan / Jon Osterman) I liked him when he was human, but the 1985 Dr. Manhattan was a bit of a sad sack and too soft spoken for my liking. If you like blue wieners this is the movie for you.

Three fairly strong performances were Carla Gugino as Sally Jupiter, Matt Frewer as Moloch the Mystic, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian. Of the three, only the Comedian failed to be dead-on. Even though he committed atrocities upon the Vietnamese, US Citizens, JFK, and Sally Jupiter, he didn’t come off as much of a badass. He was about as hard as J. Jonah Jameson.
Watchmen gets a 65% from me and as of writing has a 66% on RottenTomatoes. You definitely need to see it (maybe the super-extendo version on DVD will be better) but if you go in expecting to be under-whelmed, you’ll probably have a much better experience then I did.

Know Your Foes!

Recently whenever Marvel begins a huge promotional crossover event they produce a book containing data files that review and update the status on various characters. In the past these Data File type books have read very much like an encyclopedia. Back in the 80’s Marvel produced a monthly book called, The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe. Every so often they would produce updates and about seven years ago they started up once again.

During the Initiative and the Skrull Invasion promotions Marvel started adding more fun to these seemingly dry books. Marvel’s latest efforts came out on February 25th, entitled, Dark Reign Files - Know Your Foes. What makes this book fun is that the reader finds out that the less than friendly living computer, Quasimodo (Quasi-Motivational Destruct Organism) was found and reactivated by Norman Osborn and company. This creepy creation of the Mad Thinker has fought with the Fantastic Four, the Silver Surfer, Captain Marvel, the Beast, Spider-man, Hawkeye, and numerous other heroes over one reason or another.

In an email to Norman Osborn ol’ Quasi explains how he has analyzed 189 persons or organizations of interest. Each entry revues the following:

Threat: The entity’s perceived threat to the Cabal and the USA
Loyalty: The likelihood of the entity obeying the Cabal’s wishes
Influence: The support the entity has among its peers
Power: The particular might of the entity’s abilities or resources
Expendability: The entity’s ability to be discarded or replaced

Many of Quasimodo’s entries are an entertaining read. His assessment on the Leader for example is that he’s essentially more trouble than he’s worth and should be “promptly disposed of.” Or his thoughts on Mandrill, “I would advise placing this unfaithful foul-up in the deepest, most isolated prison possible, leaving him there until he rots away, never to be recognized by eyes, human or machine, again!” Nice!

I’m not sure if the Head Writer/Coordinator, Michael Hoskin picked the characters or not, but if he did, he certainly can be congratulated for choosing such a whacky mix. From new villains such as Lady Bullseye, Menace, and Miss Sinister, to classics such as Grim Reaper, Doctor Octopus, and Whirlwind. ROM fans will be excited to see the Dire Wraiths getting an entry. There’s Cobweb, the villain to Sleepwalker, Cardiaxe, the villain to Nightwatch, and the extraterrestrial Snarks, villains to Power Pack. Heck, even Ulysses S. Archer Marvel’s favorite space traveling truck driver’s brother, the Highwayman got an entry.


So that’s it in a nutshell! Be sure to give this book a read, as you won’t be disappointed. That’s a big 10-4! Over and out!

COACH'S STAR PLAYER OF THE WEEK - GREEN LANTERN #38

Over the last 5 years or so my consumption of DC Comics has gone from occasional to die-hard. There are certain books which I look forward to each month, but none of them have been able to hold a candle to the absolute guaranteed good reads of Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps.

I have never been a Hal Jordan/Green Lantern fan. He was always just one of many of a corps intergalactic police officers with a green ring who banged around the DCU and made big hammers and hands out of light. However, all of this changed when DC came up with the Sinestro Corps War. Written by Geoff Johns and Dave Gibbons and drawn by Ethan Van Sciver and Ivan Reis. It set a new standard for great artwork, big time action, and excellent writing in the book. Which brings us to my pick of the week, Green Lantern #38.

Throughout the last year or so the running theme in both Green Lantern books has been a prelude to the upcoming "War of Light" which is then going to bring about the dreaded "Darkest Night" and the birth of the Black Lanterns. Oooooo - Scary! From all of the preview stuff so far, it's a good bet that the Black Lantern has the ability to raise the dead so we're looking at an interstellar zombie war in the DCU. Oh boy!!!

Aside from having great artwork by Ivan Reis throughout the book, this issue brings to a close to the Rage of the Red Lanterns storyline (Red Lanterns are consumed by rage and can vomit red corrosive blood/light from their mouths to destroy their enemies). The recently revealed spectrum of emotion/light-based power rings is a great idea and so far we've seen Green (Willpower), Yellow (Fear), Blue (Hope), Red (Rage), Orange (Avarice), Violet (Love), and Indigo (Compassion) get into the act. As Hal Jordan - Green Lantern gets consumed by the power of the red ring, the Blue Lantern Saint Walker slips a new blue ring onto his hand and turns him into... something new. You have to read it to see but there's lotsa action, Sinestro getting his big pink ass fried, and best of all, the Red Lantern alien space kitty Dex-Star who spits flaming blood on everyone in sight (this gives a whole new meaning to the expression "angry pussy").

The backup feature is just as cool as it contains an episode of the Origins and Omens story which is running through most mainline DC books in February 2009. Needless to say, the banged up female guardian Scar dripping black blood from her eyes to write the book of the Black Lanterns makes this comic more than worth the $2.99 price of admission.

If you haven't been reading Green Lantern, do yourself a favor and pick up the trades for Green Lantern: Rebirth, The Sinestro Corps War and get caught up with the latest stories via the back-issue bins. You won't be sorry and you'll be prepared for all the badassery which will be coming with the Darkest Night.

BEST OF THE STACK - FANTASTIC FOUR #564

The cover says nothing as lame as a turkey dinner goes on inside the issue, and this is correct to some extent - since this is pretty much a set up issue. The last few issues have set up some dope Doc Doom story possibilities. What with the few glimpses of his mysterious masters or whatever, which were pretty terrifying. I mean if Doom bows in fealty to someone, then they have to be one badass and cruel being. But this issue takes a break form that story line development, leaving Doom in his prison, to await whatever the evil master guys have in mind. Nope, it's vacation time for the FF. And just like when the Brady Bunch went on their Hawaii trip, some weird stuff is about to go down.

Mainly I chose this as the BoTS because the art was super cool and the storyline sets up some ominous shit. Bryan Hitch basically writes a love letter to Scotland with the art. There were at least 2 double page spreads of idillyc countryside and several full pages that really soak up the historic architecture of small Scottish village life. Although my heart of hearts wishes the FF had gone to Assisi instead, the backdrops shown here are just awesome. Anyways, these lovely images also contain ominous bits and pieces that help set the atmosphere for what's to come next. Weird stone circles on hilltops, ruins, macabre statues, and cryptic designs on public fountains that all scream weirdo monster cult ahead. Plus the flashbacks about a baby eating creature or person helps put you in the right frame of mind while viewing the panels.

The story ends on a cliffhanger as Val flies off (Reed made flight jackets as an xmas gift to the kids) into some creepy forest to check out some abandoned tower with her brother. Franklin can't find his sister in the woods and stumbles upon something shown off panel to be revealed next issue. Unfortunately the issue ends with a terrible full page panel of poorly drawn, encephalitic headed Franklin. But this doesn't ruin all the cool stuff that came before. I'm very curious to see what's in store for next issue. Good stuff.

THE SENTRY: GOLDEN GUARDIAN OF CONFUSOVISION

I've been reading Marvel Comics for a while now, so when a concept comes along that makes me look up from the habitual reading of all things superheroic and say, "Wow, that's kind of cool.", it must be something truly interesting. The Sentry is one of those concepts. Unfortunately for the poor reader, while being truly interesting, The Sentry is one of the most misused, confusing, and all-around banged up characters currently being utilized in modern day comics.

Originally, the Sentry was a scam created by Marvel to answer the question: "What if there was a hero that not only the Marvel Universe forgot about, but the reader as well." It was some tricknology that attempted to break the 4th wall between the reader and the comic and for the most part it worked.

There were articles in Wizard Magazine and other trade rags that were "leaked" for the set-up and then a 10-issue series (5 numbered and 5 one-shots) by Jae Lee, Paul Jenkins and the master of the Marvel gimmick Stan "The Man" Lee which told the story of sad sack Robert Reynolds, The Sentry (a hero with the power of a million exploding suns - more on this in a bit) and the case of ultra amnesia he inflicted on everyone to defeat his greatest enemy, The Void.

**Spoiler Alert**Now the twist for your melon is, the Sentry and the Void are 2 halves of the same being, because he's a schizo. Therefore, the only way he can defeat himself is to make everyone, including himself, the entire Marvel Universe, and the reader forget he ever existed. This should give you an idea of the power level we are dealing with. If you can make Galactus (one of the first beings born into the universe) forget who you are because you want to, well you're pretty badass.**End Spoiler Alert**

All of this was well and good. The limited series had some success as a cerebral, self-contained, and slightly wacky but well-done experiment and it was left well enough alone. That is, until the filthy, chubby hands of one Brian Michael Bendis decided to bring the Sentry back for use in New Avengers #1. Now don't get me wrong, I like BMB's work in most cases. However, I've found him to occasionally be a writer who takes a concept to a certain point and then leaves it broken and sitting in the corner like a doll missing one of its eyes and both legs for someone else to fix to play with. Sentry was retconned back into the Marvel U, had some stories told about him for 4 or 5 issues and then set loose to play in the mainline Marvel Universe continuity. Another limited series followed (which retconned his origin again), followed by various appearances in the New Avengers, Mighty Avengers, and most recently, The Dark Avengers (See a theme here?).

Now here's my bitch, Sentry has been described as having the power of a "Million Exploding Suns" and having been transformed by a chemical concoction "100,000 times as powerful as the super solider serum which made Captain America". His signature move is to throw shit which annoys him into the fucking sun. How do you handle a character like that? Original plans were discussed which made him like a great white shark - For example, if Shocker and his D-bag squad are fighting Squirrel Girl and the Great Lakes Avengers (no shit - not making them up, click the links, really) and Sentry flies over, everyone quits what they are doing and acts like they are minding their own business.

However, rather than go this route, it was decided that Sentry would have a basically crippling form of totally unpredictable mental illness, which causes his powers to fluctuate wildly. One minute he's lifting aircraft carriers and choke-slamming Sub-Mariner's pet man-whale Giganto, the next he's afraid to go outside his ranch-style home. Balls. He gets bitched by Ultron in a titty-tastic Frank Cho issue of Mighty Avengers and then, a few months later goes toe to toe with a Hulk so enraged he can "break the world". Double Balls.

In conclusion, I'm still really rooting for the Sentry. I think the character is awesome as a flawed giant in the Marvel Universe and if they can lock him down with a stable set of powers and ideas, I think he'll continue to be awesome. It's rumored that Bendis is getting back to the Sentry in Dark Avengers #3 and hopefully this will straighten him out (and maybe answer what the hell he saw in the rings of Saturn that made him cry boo-hoo again). However, given Marvel's past track record for dealing with complex character problems of late (One More Day anyone?) I'm not going to bet that the Sentry will be any more unfucked before the end of the year.

FAIL OF THE WEEK + WORST PANEL: New Avengers #50

2 for one! Alright! This one make me sad because I really like the New Avengers stuff. It's been the more interesting and consistent of the bunch. But last issue, as with this one, the god awful Billy Tan was in charge of the art. The dude has some issues that make reading the book a chore. Which is a damn shame because cool stuff happens in this issue. So I guess the story is still fun and interesting. The one panel of Ares sorta hangin' back after Osborn goes off on why the Mighty Avengers should go do yada yada has given me some hope for this rad character that is being poorly written. Plus The Wrecker showed up again! And I really liked the bit where 7 or so artists tackled a character and their thoughts on a page during the big battle. Cool stuff. But all this can't negate the terrrrrrrrrible art. Onto the fail!

Proportion fail everywhere! The panel above is fucking amazing. Power Man is either normal sized of 70 ft tall. If he's normal sized, then Cap has shrunk to about 3 foot tall and is standing on an unseen table or hovering in place. If Power Man has suddenly grown a few feet taller, then so has Cap's apartment. Because the bricks in the wall behind everyone are about 3 feet wide if Cap is supposed to be a human. Mega bricks! Mega fail! We won't even go into how tall Wolverine possibly is in this panel. Not to mention the size DDD knockers Mockingbird happens to be sporting just for this very special panel. Which brings me to the next fail line item. Tits and ass.

The above wonder panel is repeated 3 times down the page. (this cheap filler technique is actually used about 3+ times throughout this issue) Really not much to say here other than...why? Jeeze, break out the double dong and be done with it already.

Here's another cheap titty panel. Watch in amazement as Norman Osborn slowly smiles at Spider Woman's tits! Great! I love this stuff! #1 Super Job! Faces only get in the way of the curves and nipples I crave so badly! Bleh.

Alright, so you've slogged through the embarrassing amounts of TnA (I was reading this bad boy on a packed Metro during the morning rush) and now it's time for the big fight with The Hood and his gang of D-list miscreants. Cool beans. I like D-list miscreants, they're ridiculous and entertaining. There's lotsa fighting to be sure, but I take umbrage with some of the poses. Mostly the (surprise) ladies' poses. Actually all the poses. Fuck it, this page sucks. For one thing, where's the ground? Just what IS Power Man stepping on exactly? Ditto for Cap. Ugh. Here are some of the fail highlights, numbered in the image above. (click for larger, labia filled version) Consequently I name this my pick for worst panel of the week.

1. Cap's enhanced, Russian engineered junk is getting in on the action. Nice! Bulgy!
2. Who doesn't want a little labia action in their flying pose? Yeah!
3. Oh Mocking bird, thanks for the inner thigh muscle/upskirt combo for no apparent reason. I've got a boner now! What a great day!
4. Ms. Marvel wants to share a little full disclosure with Power Man. Is Jessica jealous? Plus, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE STANDING ON?
5. Cap's left knee is so fucking powerful that it blasted the legs of whoever the dark skinned dude is behind said knee into the Negative Zone. Where is the rest of this guy's body? And for double measure, why is the guy's left arm AS THICK AS HIS TORSO?
6. Random fucking fist. Thanks for that detail. Maybe it belongs to the guy Cap's knee blasted in half?

Billy Tan, please stop drawing tits and ass for the sake of poorly proportioned, over exaggerated tits and ass. In fact, please just stop drawing. There are people out there who need jobs more than you.

Who IS Marvel's Smartest Person?!?

Greetings fellow True Believers!
For those of you who are fans of the Hulk and Hercules you may have noticed the teenage super-genius sidekick extraordinaire, Amadeus Cho. This fairly new character to the Marvel Universe (since January 2006, Amazing Fantasy #15) has the mental capacity to make precise calculations that under his advisement can change the odds in his or his allies favor. Reed Richards described him as the 7th smartest person in the world, no small claim coming from Reed!

Amadeus and Hercules have become strange allies and of late have found themselves mixed up in the newly reconfigured Migthy Avengers. In issue #21 Hank Pym states that Cho is actually the 8th smartest person in the world. I’m not sure how Reed made that error in judgment, but it was his idea to steal a rocket with piss poor shielding and fire off into space with his then girl friend Sue Storm, her kid brother Johnny, and his best friend Ben Grimm. I mean it wasn’t like they were going to the corner store to pick-up milk! But I digress!

This newly discovered revelation started a debate between everyone’s favorite Crazy Injun, Dashing Dan B. and myself as to who were the smartest brains in the Marvel Universe?

Here are my choices based off of the Marvel Universe site (which scales various characters abilities from a scale of 1 to 7) and using wise comic nerd knowledge:

1) Mister Fantastic – Reed Richards
2) Doctor Doom – Victor von Doom
3) Iron Man – Anthony “Tony” Stark
4) Apocalypse – En Sabah Nur
5) Mister/Ms. Sinister – Nathaniel Essex/Claudine Renko
6) Beast – Henry “Hank” McCoy
7) Wasp/Yellowjacket/Giant-Man/Goliath/Ant-Man – Henry “Hank” Pym
8) Amadeus Cho

There are definitely some other guys worth debating about, such as Herbert Edgar Wyndham, The High Evolutionary (who by the way was inspired by Mr. Sinister in the 1900’s). Marvel has him listed as a 6 on the intelligence scale, but I don’t know. This guy created the New Men (evolved animals that can walk and talk like humans). In truth he got the blueprint for breaking the genetic code from the Inhuman know as Phader. So yeah, he cheated a bit. However it was still Wyndham who created the Isotopes to control genetic alteration. Even cooler he built a suit of protective armor that could heal him, as well as provide complete life support. Plus, he built a Counter-Earth for his New Men, but enough about The High Evolutionary for now.

The rest of the smartest characters on the 6 scale are the Leader – Samuel Sterns, Hulk – Robert “Bruce” Banner, Spider-Man – Peter Parker, and Magneto – Magnus.

Coming in at 5 is Charles Xavier (Professor X), Norman Osborn (Green Goblin), Nathaniel Richards (Reed’s dimension hopping dad), and Paul Norbert Ebersol (the Fixer). Oh yeah, X-Men fans Forge is only ranked in the 4 category.

So, for now Amadeus Cho IS the 8th smartest person in the world, that is until Valeria Richards grows up!